today was a complete waste, just sat around and chilled. i can't wait for tomorrow night. I keep thinking back to my ex fiancee that left me two months ago and missing her. it sucks because i know i'm making everything seem perfect between us in my mind, but i know that things weren't perfect. I was truly happy, I never was as happy in my entire life. its hard for me to deal with life now... alot of things i do feel empty and without passion. I've been running to alcohol too much to deaden things....but whenever i try to stop drinking, i feel even worse because i keep thinking about here. 