calculon3000

I think I need to give up the chase for a while. I seem to be making the mistake of trying desperately to fill the hole with someone else's company and I can only expect disappointment. My second "date" in about a month turned out very much the same as the first and I ended up with my hopes hanging from a noose, while the rest of me slumped over on the sidewalk and degenerated into a sniveling infant. Ah, shit. I always had this fantastical vision that if and when my relationship ended, I'd suddenly have a harum of eager and gorgeous women looking to smoke pot, watch Asian horror movies and have casual sex. But alas, it seems more and more like that is exactly what the girls I meet are trying to escape. Meanwhile, here I am having painted this picture for myself throughout the span of my relationship that now brings me nothing but frustration. And, boy, isn't that the word of the month, eh? Seems like the only genuine feeling I can hang onto, anymore.

The truth is, I'm desperate to have some fun with someone. And, I really can't handle anything more. I want to remember what it's like to want someone solely for the enjoyment of their company and well, for the "mutually naked enjoyment of each other's company." How's that for a euphemism? I mean Jesus, after 2 years and plenty of fighting, people ignore their discontent and lack of passion and start needing each other like next week's paycheck. When it comes, it brings just a little bit of joy but even moreso, a sense of relief. When it doesn't come, the shit hits the fan. This staple of your life is swiftly removed and you start wondering why you had the fuckin job to begin with.

And, in the midst of all this, my drummer's on tour so the band is stagnant and my lack of a social circle is becoming more apparent than ever. So, if any females would like to travel to Philadelphia and fill the position advertised above, I've got a double bed...

Hey, all this shit has inspired me to scar myself once again with a hot needle and that can only be a good thing.

Finally, to a new week: fuck you!