cakemix

this might sound strange...

...but feel like i got a bit lost and am now getting back to being me.

when i was with him i got lost taking care of him and trying to ensure he had the best time possible, because with prison hanging over his head i thought it was the least that he deserved. but i didn't realise until i was out of it how much i'd changed.

then after the first incident, i kinda stopped taking care of myself and just drank drank drank to to settle my nerves, stop crying, and just barely function.

this week i am still upset, had my new meds doubled, which makes me sleep - something i have not done since my last night in stockholm...i'm drinking less and training more - my mind and soul may be bruised but my body is going to be hard.

and i am starting to care about the way i look again, so i've been -
tanning
cut my bettie bangs back in (he hated them)
tattooed my eyebrows, heart shaped beauty mark, and friday 13th dagger

here's a photo of what i look like tonight, tired but freshly inked: