cait

ok, I'm sorry if this is kind of emo, but this just makes so much sense to me right now...
From "The Wide Sargasso Sea" by Jean Rhys

"I never wished to live before I knew you. I always thought it would be better if I died. Such a long time to wait before it's over....why did you make me want to live? Why did you do that to me?"

"Because I wished it. Isn't that enough?"

"Yes, it is enough. But if one day you didn't wish it, what should I do then? Suppose you took this happiness away when I wasn't looking..."

"And lose my own? Who'd be so foolish?"

"I'm not used to happiness," she said. "It makes me afraid."

"Never be afraid. Or if you are tell no one."

"I understand. But trying does not help me."

"What would?" She did not answer that, then one night whispered,

"If I could die. Now, when I am happy. Would you do that? You wouldn't have to kill me. Say die and I will die. You don't believe me? Then try, try, say die and watch me die."

"Die then! Die!" I watched her die many times. In my way, not in hers.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I guess in a way I had a pretty awesome valentines day. I got to hang out with the person I actually am in love with, even though I've been trying to avoid feeling like that, and he doesn't feel it at all. At least I wasn't alone, you know? And to be honest, that was really nice.