So you know how "they" say you fall in love with your best friend and its all perfect and shit (ok, so i dont really know if they say that....but it seems pretty fairy tale like)
I really think thats really shitty- especially when you have learned to repress it and wait for him to be ready to date (not just you- date in general) and then out of nowhere he IS ready, and you have to face the fact that its not you, and its some girl that might break his heart, and you might have to kill her, and you realize how selfish you've been and how the only reason you've been ok with not having him is because no one else does....and you really honestly just cant tell him how you feel, because its horrible timing, and you're going to live with him next year, and things are changing, and its so scary
"You say I choose sadness, that it never once has chosen me- maybe you're right"
I really think thats really shitty- especially when you have learned to repress it and wait for him to be ready to date (not just you- date in general) and then out of nowhere he IS ready, and you have to face the fact that its not you, and its some girl that might break his heart, and you might have to kill her, and you realize how selfish you've been and how the only reason you've been ok with not having him is because no one else does....and you really honestly just cant tell him how you feel, because its horrible timing, and you're going to live with him next year, and things are changing, and its so scary

"You say I choose sadness, that it never once has chosen me- maybe you're right"
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a) you have an occasional (or regular) fuck buddy, with uncomfortable situations of no eye contact
or
b) you fall in love, conveniently live with each other, and remain happy...AND get a roommate for the following year.
Either way, perhaps consider making a move of some sort.
"You always miss 100% of the shots you don't take."