cainroth

Im having a down day today. And I know that its because I went to basically a 24 hour party over the last couple days. I spent a ton of energy being social and having a good time. Today the battery reserves are low, and there fore my emotions are equally as low.

And when that happens I always inevitably return to the depressing conclusion that Im very lonely. The only way that I can describe it is a person shaped hole in my life. Almost as if you created a picture or painting of all the people that I know and love, all my friends, family, and everyone important to me; where the outer ring of that picture contained people that I cared less about, and as you got into the center the outlines of all those people for a perfect outline of another person whos image you cant see. And there are details to this image in my mind, a rough size and shape, a few details that you cant quite make out that may be jewelry or something

There is this one hole in my life, and no matter who I meet, regardless of who my friends are, or what I do I just cant find the person who is only defined by what is not in my life.

I didnt really want to say all that on my live journal. Its not something that I really want to share with everyone that I know. I dont know why it is that I feel that I cant share things like that. But for whatever reason I just cant. I guess Im writing it here, because this place really doesnt threaten my external life. My live journal is what I write for people who can actually be affected by the way that I behave. Here, I can write things about my internal life.

I dont know if anyone can really understand that. And I dont really need anyone to I just needed to write it down to work it out.