Im feeling more and more disgruntled lately. Cranky and angry mostly, frequently aimed at my parents, and occasionally my friends and work. And Im getting tired of peoples pathetic platitudes. The old Youre a nice guy. And Youre a wonderful person. Or Youll find someone. (There are two specific friends that havent been of much use to me lately that Im thinking of here, Derek \/cough\/ Danni \/cough\/).
These things do not make me feel any better. They dont help solve the problem. Yes I know that when Im not depressed Im a wonderful person. I dont need someone to give me hollow reassurances. Redundancies that are an attempt to bolster my emotional state. It won't work. I want someone to vent to for a minute, and then make me laugh and make me feel like Im my old self again. The longer I can be my happy old self the better off I am.
Or even if someone were to try the route of bolstered confidence, being specific helps more than being general. Youre a wonderful person. Can be applied to anyone. Reminding me of the time that I did something really cool for someone else is way more effective. Or reminding me of some specific thing that you really appreciate me for. Anything else comes off as hollow and glossy like an add campaign. Clich and terribly impersonal.
And right now while I think about this, I just miss the feeling of her against me. Specifically the times where we would cuddle on the couch, and the physical contact was just good. And for the first time, just now, I wonder to myself if its really her that I missed or if anyone would do. And I realize that its not specifically her that I miss, its those actions. Actions that cannt be repeated exactly by anyone else. But Im sure each individual person would have their own kinds of things they would like in its place.
Cuddling is one of the problems with Masturbation, you just don't get any.
It makes me curious, more than anything else. Perhaps I am repairing. But maybe its just going to involve being an angrier person, slightly more bitter and cynical. Someone that doesnt like the same things anymore, and treats people in a slightly worse way.
Ironic that her actions broke the nice person that she feel in love with. She destroyed the thing she loved. Hmmm I like that bitter irony, but only if it makes her feel worse about herself. I crave vengeance but only "Karmic Justice" kind. Not the kind where I actually have to do anything.
Yup there are two Jeremys. The nice guy who is loving and cares, and the riot bastard. Mmmm Scorpio. Yup. My sign.
Right thats enough venting.
These things do not make me feel any better. They dont help solve the problem. Yes I know that when Im not depressed Im a wonderful person. I dont need someone to give me hollow reassurances. Redundancies that are an attempt to bolster my emotional state. It won't work. I want someone to vent to for a minute, and then make me laugh and make me feel like Im my old self again. The longer I can be my happy old self the better off I am.
Or even if someone were to try the route of bolstered confidence, being specific helps more than being general. Youre a wonderful person. Can be applied to anyone. Reminding me of the time that I did something really cool for someone else is way more effective. Or reminding me of some specific thing that you really appreciate me for. Anything else comes off as hollow and glossy like an add campaign. Clich and terribly impersonal.
And right now while I think about this, I just miss the feeling of her against me. Specifically the times where we would cuddle on the couch, and the physical contact was just good. And for the first time, just now, I wonder to myself if its really her that I missed or if anyone would do. And I realize that its not specifically her that I miss, its those actions. Actions that cannt be repeated exactly by anyone else. But Im sure each individual person would have their own kinds of things they would like in its place.
Cuddling is one of the problems with Masturbation, you just don't get any.
It makes me curious, more than anything else. Perhaps I am repairing. But maybe its just going to involve being an angrier person, slightly more bitter and cynical. Someone that doesnt like the same things anymore, and treats people in a slightly worse way.
Ironic that her actions broke the nice person that she feel in love with. She destroyed the thing she loved. Hmmm I like that bitter irony, but only if it makes her feel worse about herself. I crave vengeance but only "Karmic Justice" kind. Not the kind where I actually have to do anything.
Yup there are two Jeremys. The nice guy who is loving and cares, and the riot bastard. Mmmm Scorpio. Yup. My sign.
Right thats enough venting.