Im feeling pretty sad right now. Not just emotionally down, but also feeling like I am a sad pathetic person. I spent money to try and find someone today. LJ Match. Pretty cheap in comparison to some of the other websites out there. But I think that everyone that I paid to get in contact with already has something. Fucking assholes that dont update their settings when their relationships change. Nothing but false hope and a pathetic waste of time.
I feel like the whole fucking world is hooked up (for better or for worse) except for me.
Im not going to say that my life sucks. It certainly doesnt. But my love life is nonexistent. Ive had one girlfriend ever and she broke my heart. How pathetic is that. I dont know the first thing about how to be a boyfriend, all I know how to be is a friend. I never learned any of the basics, never fooled around, never experimented. My sex life is like the waste land in road warrior. Barren and desolate.
I have more regretted almost relationships than anything else. Lets see, I regret Courtney Stein, Leeja Burkes, Amanda Moison (sp?), and Liz Laugherty all because I never did anything with them and should have at least tried, but I was too much of a coward. Amanda even made a move on me and I ran away. I so regret that. We stopped hanging around after that, and I think I hurt her. I feel like crap about it. I know Courtney and Leeja got married and to my knowledge still are, and I bet Amanda is off living happily ever after. Liz lives in some desert state, who knows which one. But she was never interested in me very much at all. Heh, I got to lick Liz though (private joke). And maybe Ill get to see her again. That would be really cool, I miss her.
But Im not anyones happiness. And at this rate it doesnt look like I ever will. I really hope there arent a bunch of dont worry youll find some one posts Ive been hearing that from my friends for years. Im sick of it. Spare your words. All words are lies that havent been broken yet.
Ever been tempted to shove a knife in your ear to get it to stop itching? Thats where Im at right now. I tired a q-tip, but it didnt work. Shut up brain or Ill stab you with a q-tip!
Im going out tonight. Fuck the consequences for once in my life. For at least a little while I will be in the company of friends. Now I just wish the next 3 and a half hours would go by faster.
I feel like the whole fucking world is hooked up (for better or for worse) except for me.
Im not going to say that my life sucks. It certainly doesnt. But my love life is nonexistent. Ive had one girlfriend ever and she broke my heart. How pathetic is that. I dont know the first thing about how to be a boyfriend, all I know how to be is a friend. I never learned any of the basics, never fooled around, never experimented. My sex life is like the waste land in road warrior. Barren and desolate.
I have more regretted almost relationships than anything else. Lets see, I regret Courtney Stein, Leeja Burkes, Amanda Moison (sp?), and Liz Laugherty all because I never did anything with them and should have at least tried, but I was too much of a coward. Amanda even made a move on me and I ran away. I so regret that. We stopped hanging around after that, and I think I hurt her. I feel like crap about it. I know Courtney and Leeja got married and to my knowledge still are, and I bet Amanda is off living happily ever after. Liz lives in some desert state, who knows which one. But she was never interested in me very much at all. Heh, I got to lick Liz though (private joke). And maybe Ill get to see her again. That would be really cool, I miss her.
But Im not anyones happiness. And at this rate it doesnt look like I ever will. I really hope there arent a bunch of dont worry youll find some one posts Ive been hearing that from my friends for years. Im sick of it. Spare your words. All words are lies that havent been broken yet.
Ever been tempted to shove a knife in your ear to get it to stop itching? Thats where Im at right now. I tired a q-tip, but it didnt work. Shut up brain or Ill stab you with a q-tip!
Im going out tonight. Fuck the consequences for once in my life. For at least a little while I will be in the company of friends. Now I just wish the next 3 and a half hours would go by faster.