Well lets see. What has been happening? Emergence was ok last night. Denny's after Emergence was fucking awesome!
Carol is the shit. She's a ton of fun. Everyone likes her. She has most of the guys at Emergence chasing after her. No wonder her boy friend is jealous. Im not supposed to be thinking about her. Not only is she hooked up, but also I dont like being 'one of the crowd'. And I know nothing about her.
So that settles it. Yup. No extraneous emotion here. Nope. I wish it were that simple. Im fighting the urge to know more about her. I think that would be a bad idea.
This monitor sucks. Im using someone else's computer. I can't get good resolution, and the colors are all off. Degaussing didn't help.
This whole meeting people thing isnt going well. Now Im really sure that Im an introvert. Making new friends sucks. Why do these things have to be hard? Im going to curl up and die in shame and obscurity. The obscurity part shouldnt be too hard. Im invisible.
Oh and my car needs $1,000 worth of work. I may have to get an entirely new car because it may not be worth fixing it (not that I have the money for the car). Which means I will have to get a job soon, most likely at Borders. I think Ill go the week and then apply there. Maybe I can be a bookseller this time. And Borders makes me think of my one and so far only relationship.
My life was going so well until the break up. Not that it really would have continued that way forever. There are good points: I look at things differently now. What I want has galvanized. Who I am has galvanized. Not changed per se... But become more evident to me.
And now I have to consider working in the same place as my Ex. Assuming she still works there. Which is most likely the case. Im not going to let my emotional discomfort stop me from getting a job... But its annoying. It would be easier if I werent lonely.
I feel like there is someone out there that Im trying to meet that would be great. Someone thats looking for me as much as I am looking for her. Some kind of calling. And what really scares me, what has always scared me is that I have already met her, and long ago lost the chance for that which I am searching. Theres more story here. But maybe it's for another time. This entry is getting long, and will be longer. Does that make me a romantic? I need a Joan darc to come and save me. And I really mean someone that can swing a sword. If not then she wont be able to keep up with me.
Ive never thought of myself as a loser or anything. Im just not really great at social stuff. I think that Im a good and interesting person, and that I have a lot to offer... My pics are up; I think that I can honestly say that Im good looking. I just try and fail all the time when it comes to relationship type stuff. And its not being in one thats the problem, or going out on dates... I dont even get that far.
Im not really depressed. Just frustrated. I just dont know what to do. Nobody ever seems interested. Nobody ever seems to respond to me. Like Im invisible. No one ever seems to want to take a chance on me.
I got hit on by another guy last night. I was walking alone outside Emergence. And he walked up and asked if Id like to get a cup of coffee. Every time that happens I try and imagine what it must be like to work up the courage to walk up to a complete stranger and ask them out. I try and have respect for where they are coming from But I can never respond with out sounding terse. My life would be so much easier if I were gay. Then again I wouldnt have gone out with him even if I were If I were gay Id be hooked up right now. Anthony \/frustrated sigh\/. Anyway. Well I never claimed to be the straightest person ever.
I watched the beginning of Chasing Amy tonight. What a good movie.
Carol is the shit. She's a ton of fun. Everyone likes her. She has most of the guys at Emergence chasing after her. No wonder her boy friend is jealous. Im not supposed to be thinking about her. Not only is she hooked up, but also I dont like being 'one of the crowd'. And I know nothing about her.
So that settles it. Yup. No extraneous emotion here. Nope. I wish it were that simple. Im fighting the urge to know more about her. I think that would be a bad idea.
This monitor sucks. Im using someone else's computer. I can't get good resolution, and the colors are all off. Degaussing didn't help.
This whole meeting people thing isnt going well. Now Im really sure that Im an introvert. Making new friends sucks. Why do these things have to be hard? Im going to curl up and die in shame and obscurity. The obscurity part shouldnt be too hard. Im invisible.
Oh and my car needs $1,000 worth of work. I may have to get an entirely new car because it may not be worth fixing it (not that I have the money for the car). Which means I will have to get a job soon, most likely at Borders. I think Ill go the week and then apply there. Maybe I can be a bookseller this time. And Borders makes me think of my one and so far only relationship.
My life was going so well until the break up. Not that it really would have continued that way forever. There are good points: I look at things differently now. What I want has galvanized. Who I am has galvanized. Not changed per se... But become more evident to me.
And now I have to consider working in the same place as my Ex. Assuming she still works there. Which is most likely the case. Im not going to let my emotional discomfort stop me from getting a job... But its annoying. It would be easier if I werent lonely.
I feel like there is someone out there that Im trying to meet that would be great. Someone thats looking for me as much as I am looking for her. Some kind of calling. And what really scares me, what has always scared me is that I have already met her, and long ago lost the chance for that which I am searching. Theres more story here. But maybe it's for another time. This entry is getting long, and will be longer. Does that make me a romantic? I need a Joan darc to come and save me. And I really mean someone that can swing a sword. If not then she wont be able to keep up with me.
Ive never thought of myself as a loser or anything. Im just not really great at social stuff. I think that Im a good and interesting person, and that I have a lot to offer... My pics are up; I think that I can honestly say that Im good looking. I just try and fail all the time when it comes to relationship type stuff. And its not being in one thats the problem, or going out on dates... I dont even get that far.
Im not really depressed. Just frustrated. I just dont know what to do. Nobody ever seems interested. Nobody ever seems to respond to me. Like Im invisible. No one ever seems to want to take a chance on me.
I got hit on by another guy last night. I was walking alone outside Emergence. And he walked up and asked if Id like to get a cup of coffee. Every time that happens I try and imagine what it must be like to work up the courage to walk up to a complete stranger and ask them out. I try and have respect for where they are coming from But I can never respond with out sounding terse. My life would be so much easier if I were gay. Then again I wouldnt have gone out with him even if I were If I were gay Id be hooked up right now. Anthony \/frustrated sigh\/. Anyway. Well I never claimed to be the straightest person ever.
I watched the beginning of Chasing Amy tonight. What a good movie.