Being home is weird. My room is weird. It doesn't smell like me. Having the brothers around...comforting, yet... I know not. I dug through my old magazines and found an old Spin article on SuicideGirls. Back when Katie was called Chloe.
I have two exams tomorrow. I have so much to do. And it will not get done.
I take my car back to Bloomington with me. Which means...which means I'll be sleeping alone tonight. God I hate that. I am becoming more and more dependent every day, it seems. What a horrible thought. Horrible to be dependent on someone who could die at any moment. You must, must start taking better care of yourself. Smoking is the worst thing you can do for yourself, and I wish to God you'd stop. I know you're active but that doesn't always cut it. Mamaw had an 80% blockage in her arteries. It's because she doesn't eat right, and neither do you. You also smoke. You are dying. What will I do? You have driven away all my potential friends and now you must compensate by being at my side all the time. How will you do that when you are dead?
I am so bored right now. Being home sucks. I even had to dust. What the FUCK? I think I'm sick of college already. I've met no one of interest. I want to go somewhere where I see people like me. I have an interview at Hot Topic. I need a job in a very bad way. I am so sick of not having any fucking friends it makes me want to fucking CRY. Will it always be like this? College is fucking stupid. I miss Heather. If she were here I would have a friend, and that's all I need, is her. I could survive then. I could wake up and face the day. I could go to bed and night and sleep easy knowing the next morning I wouldn't have to wake up to a cruel world of fucking loneliness. Fucking loneliness. How the fuck do you spell that? Lonely. Lonliness? Jesus. Breakfast alone, lunch alone, dinner alone, sleep alone, walk alone. And more recently, drive alone. I fucking hate it. I fucking hate it and I feel there's nothing I can fucking do about it.
And now I've worked myself in to one hell of a horrible mood.
I have two exams tomorrow. I have so much to do. And it will not get done.
I take my car back to Bloomington with me. Which means...which means I'll be sleeping alone tonight. God I hate that. I am becoming more and more dependent every day, it seems. What a horrible thought. Horrible to be dependent on someone who could die at any moment. You must, must start taking better care of yourself. Smoking is the worst thing you can do for yourself, and I wish to God you'd stop. I know you're active but that doesn't always cut it. Mamaw had an 80% blockage in her arteries. It's because she doesn't eat right, and neither do you. You also smoke. You are dying. What will I do? You have driven away all my potential friends and now you must compensate by being at my side all the time. How will you do that when you are dead?
I am so bored right now. Being home sucks. I even had to dust. What the FUCK? I think I'm sick of college already. I've met no one of interest. I want to go somewhere where I see people like me. I have an interview at Hot Topic. I need a job in a very bad way. I am so sick of not having any fucking friends it makes me want to fucking CRY. Will it always be like this? College is fucking stupid. I miss Heather. If she were here I would have a friend, and that's all I need, is her. I could survive then. I could wake up and face the day. I could go to bed and night and sleep easy knowing the next morning I wouldn't have to wake up to a cruel world of fucking loneliness. Fucking loneliness. How the fuck do you spell that? Lonely. Lonliness? Jesus. Breakfast alone, lunch alone, dinner alone, sleep alone, walk alone. And more recently, drive alone. I fucking hate it. I fucking hate it and I feel there's nothing I can fucking do about it.
And now I've worked myself in to one hell of a horrible mood.
VIEW 9 of 9 COMMENTS
crossover:
sweet! That makes my day 
sweet! That makes my day 
sladepallmall:
If you find a cure for the cruel world of fucking lonliness let me know.....