cahrizz

i'm drunk and in a quoting and rude mood.
this is the postal service remix so it gets sort of hard ...at least on my stereo, "how can i just let you walk away, just let you leave without a trace. when i stand here taking every breath with you. ohhh. you're the only one who really knew me at all. how can you just walk away from me? when all i can do is watch you leave? cause we shared the laughter and the pain. we even shared the tears. you're the only one who really knew me at all. so take a look at me now. there's just an empty space... there's nothing left here to remind me, just the memory of your face. so take a look at me now. there's just an empty space i wish i could just make you turn around! turn around and see me cry. there's so mcuh i need to say to you there's nothing left here to remind me to wait for you is all i can do. you coming back to me is against the odds.
"she lives with a broken man. just crumbles and yesterday's surgery. for girls in the air raisd tents. but gravity always wins. and it wears him out. it wears him out. it wears him out. it wears him out. she looks like the real thing. she tastes like the real thing. my fake palstic love. but i can't help the feeling. i could bolt through the cieling. fantstic run. it wears me out. it wears me out. it wears me out. it wears me out. and if i could be who you wanted. if i could be who you wanted,... all the time. all the time. "
" rows of houses are bearing down on me. i can feel your hands touching me.. all these things into postion. all these things you one day swallow whole. and fade out again.... and fade out agin. this machine well not communicate, these thoughts and the strain i am under."

fucking yahoo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! it has caused another blog to be erased. it started out with the words: why don;t we all just kill ourselves. and then i talked about the bull shit going on this world from top to bottom and about perceptions. like you who have never been and seen what i have. you see and hear soundbytes. but the news is such bull shit. you wouldn't be interested in half the time we spent in their homes over there asking what can we do for you and askin g for their help . and then the same person the next day after your friend gets shot right in front of the dude's door he says i didn't hear or say anything. so fuck it.

i said i never have fought for oil. i fought for my life and those that stood next to me. i feared nothing more than something happening to a friend and it not being me. we are close. we go out together. we work together. we go through mini hells together. we become brothers. and we want to help eachother. that's how it is.

and then i have to remember to mention the boy who blew off half his arm and half of one of his legs. how no one was helping him with attention and love. b/c that's what kids need. how i bought him a teddy bear and it cost me almost forty bucks. how he smiled and it was such a worn smile you could tell he hadn't done that in at least a week. i played with him. we played checkers and he crashed his wind up monster truck into stacks of checkers and smiled. he found a grenade. and i showed him how to make a ramp out of a coloring book. he killed his little brother. now not even his father will love him. and i could give him the love he needs. the reassurance. but then there's a war over oil fields and terrorism. what is it that says what i saw is okay and i'll be all right. like when i wake up in the middle of the night hearing my friend calling for his mother and cursing me and everything because of the pain of his crushed bones.

why don't we kill ourselves. what do we do to take responsibility in our world? fuck it. let's just keep having wars and spreading that disease.


chris