cahrizz

first crushes
back in the day
when not much was at stake
and innocense reigned supreme.
swimming pools soccer games sleep overs. being dragged to bars
and catching a feel in a dark closet playing a game of hide of hot and cold
darkness. she says that was my ass you were grabbing and looked at him coyly.
shitty carnivals and the hot summer air cooling beneath the stars.
all this meaning.
all this excitemen
t and the talk of frenching a girl.
rumors of head
the moment in her eyes
somewhere between pain and glory.
sweat and cheap teen-aged perfume.
her coos
and those desperate clutches and caresses.
slipping first one finger
then two and three
and closer to a mystery.
rock'n roll blaring.
all that naked skin.
goose bumps
and nervousness pouring out.
and i see that even now in her eyes.
they rivet.
her swollen lips.
that face on the verge of having a some loud sound escape
and a hicupped sigh growing uncontrollable
and fireworks
explosions
nails digging into the back
exploration in the deep woods
favorite colors
and middle names.
big red breath
the freshly manicured lawns
lining on up and down blocks like moats of isolation
keeping everything secure as the light blue cop uniform.

car wash highs.
passing a bull
burnt lips
and red eyes
she moans
she sighs
she craher eys once giggling now laughing now satiated
finally flowing tears-dripping-on-plastic-jewlery
we all fall down
we all fall down
we all fall down


it's a little something i'm sort of working on. really it's a bit of prose taken from a story i've started but since being in the army have had the damnedest time ever being able to keep the shit up. so when i go back i can't. i don't know it interupts my flow. and then suddenly i got kids telling me what to do in twangs and broken eng-lish. so i give up for a bit longer cause this is all i want to do all i know how to do. music. movies. anything evrything's about a story and poetry. i can't help it. i'm a fucking junky. an outright fiend. i'm nothing but a slave. and somewhere this whole thing i've been doing is moving me closer to understanding a bit of a balance so life's not going to be so disproportional to me any longer.

last night watched the movie pride and prejudice. the one with kiera knightly. good god lord o'mother fucking mighty. it's the eyes. like watch angela joilees. their like a cat in heat. dangerous. just the eyes. nothing else matters at any point. the arabs believe that if you stare at woman you rape her. and if she stares back you're fucking. but i'm getting beside the point. oh but her teeth. jesus. the way her tongue frolics around in her mouth. i want to have that much fun living. but again i'm getting pulled in a whole other direction than i was really wanting to go.

i just wanted to say that no matter how many times i've seen that movie(counting the remakes) or read the book, one thing is clear to me--i want to be mr. darcy. nothing more. i want to be so in love and in such a position to do everything for that love. and if had mad statues like that in one of my mansions...GOD DAMN i'd be fuckign on fire and living the good life.
how many times do you read or watch this story and just want to be either mr. darcy or lizzy? well that shit's ruined me. because with a little booze and some deep scented blues
give me the dice
these hot hands can't loose
and i'm gambling it all on the pernciousness
of indolent idolatry.
the sweet stuff.
intoxication visited on by the first hint of infactuation
and i'm pledging allegiance to every part of the body
and used to come dressed in the skin of shy innocense
and those bird pecks gliding across yourr navel
and blushing cheeks
turned to enraged flames
and bite marks across your skin.
down upon your hands and knees
trying to crawl away
but you're too meek
to duck that pleasure
and when it turned to pain
and you couldn't reach me
only caught me out of breath
two am
phone calls
come on do it to me baby
like a trigger click
we could make it long
or quick
but always dirty
cause you are not
my Lizzy
and fuck me if i'm
mr darcy

later,
chris
questions comments please