cahrizz

what the fuck do i have to do???? do i need to put a picture up to end the fear of what sort of animal i just may be? some on-line freak possibly maybe? no just lazy and not very tech-savvy since i started programming for a highschool class shit's changed when i got stoned drooling over keyboards for my bands and refusing to pay much attention to anything except of course the god damn books i tirelessly read throwing my fucking telie out my third story apartment so i'd type more and more and then those endless walks across chicago nights spent at the L&L on belmount and then whatever and any bar that stayed open and i found one that opened a half hour after all the 430 one's closed and after a stop at the columbians' some games of pool beer and frequent trips to the bathroom to powder da nose technology rushed on by so i have to like finally load up this software that compresses my photodata that my buddy simmions has and he promises itll work so and soo and oh he's got a thousand images of me on film both the amandas got most of the others ones of me in the dress and mohawk back in 97 and after that really maybe kinda burnt them all after the razorblade slutfest drunken night series 9781 when me and a.k.a. neon jesus made like fingers in a certain asian trapping device that sounds far too angry to mention at this moment so ill say one day before i was all ready to grow up and truely appreciate this creature she wouldn't return phone calls cause i believe i fell into the crazy world and for a short time i did man i was so many levels of all fucked up but so it goes

then we talk again two years later i'm a thieving lying bastard in the game of hearts and so i used the guilt of a trip to iraq to insert pressure and we spoke and the awkwardness melted so quickly and three hours went by and it had that time warp how much acid did i take am i still tripping and will i wake up next to her again in an hour yeah one of those moments

that reminds me of phil philly phil where the hell did you go last i heard orgeon you fucking optimistic nihlist growing your end of the world rainbow of hopeless hope are you still somewhere out there married nd happy in your highness man if i was smoking that kind of ganja all the time i think id find my own tantric truths of universal plausibility and an intense pleasure believing i was fucking the good mother earth by climbing uptop a cliff and pulling my shorts down and wanking it man that was a trip ill never forget that one phil fuck dude whereever you are forgive me for working for the evil imperialist i had witnessing to do i needed something different than the beerstained wood and shady neon lights of bar after bar and st louis dog in the mind you go back and its wonderful and then when you visit pleasant but once you live there for just a little while the ehadaches start up again and then something starts sucking up the creativity and ive got to go and i was so fucking poor then man i didnt have anymore sugar mamas in that world of self loathing dog force feeding until i became pregnant with self disgust i needed boot camp and thirty pounds it took away


dan travis and the coffee crew somewhere in minnnesota another indie label eeking out existence i hope dog

death is becoming more and more possible with each second the GODDAMN BOMBS ARE EXPLODING EVER CLOSER AND SEEM TO FOLLOW ME but thankfully thats not entirely accurate otherwise id be the kid with the brainfluid problem which is cool as long as im dont lose a certain degree of intelligence itd be better than dying here and now before i come back with all these seeds sowed all these bits of wisdom and life that ive collected can make their way into what theyve got to i just want to be in love one more time just those sparks once more nervousness laughter giggling foolish floating can do no wrong times again

all righty then keep it chill
chris d