cage_9

holy fuck its been forever since i been on here...well in case anyone is wondering, yes i am still alive and im back on dry land for the time being...that dry land still being central japan. not much has changed, still hate my job, still hate the fuckers i work with...still confused as all fuck about life in general. might as well vent here seein as all im doin is keeping it in and i gotta let it out somehow, i may be in love with my best friend somehow. it dont help that she wants me to be her baby's dad...those 2 things together dont make it a problem...the problem comes from the fact that we are not even close to even starting to date...hell we change the subject everytime something even close to what may end up as us talking about feelings for each other happen. I dont want a wife type person right now, i just want someone who im happy with and can just chill with...she wants a husband type and a father for her kids type...the kicker is shes the kind of person that i want to be the mother of my kids when im ready to settle down. things would be easier if neither of us was in a relationship already, makes things so damn confusing cause the girl i got back home makes me happy which is what i want right now but shes not here right now...and the girl i have right now is who i want later but shes here now...and to top it all off i just remembered that tomorrow is valentines...fuck my life. i ain't got the slightest idea of what to do or what to even feel cause no matter what i feel or make myself feel it feels like the wrong thing to feel...no matter what i end up feeling im not being fair to someone (myself included)