caetano

Powerful and painful.
Thoughts lurking in the corners of my awareness.
I am powerful,
My life has a purpose,
And I can be useful to someone.
I am worthwhile.
Fleeting feline kisses,
Hovering in my space,
Warm fish breath and rasping tongue,
Cleaning me like a babe.
The immersion of my reason in emotion,
Blurring my reaction,
Sitting in silent restless,
Pondering stillness.
Hoping to move forward,
Never knowing how,
Seeking younger thoughts and flesh,
Imbued with the hope of a child.
And baptized in wisdom,
Judgements falling like razor blades,
Hitting the soft flesh of my reality,
Slicing open caution,
Making me realize the insanity that lingers inside my brain.
Watching out the window,
As all of nature prepares for the inevitable,
Rain.
Terror grips my heart as the days pass into years,
And still my education is not complete.
Watching fledgling creatures,
Lording their authority over my,
Experience.
Hating myself and my lack of purposeful action.
Waiting in vain,
Sucking it up,
Becoming numb to the gripping, remorseless, onslaught of time,
The smoldering searing,
Pain,
That is regret..
For having lost my way,
Putting tomorrow off until another day.
Resting in my unfinished degree,
Of useless knowledge and wasted hours,
Seeing now the irony of a catch in the fabric of my decisions.
With me for the reason of what I shall become,
And leaving me,
Because by being with you,
I never will fulfill that dream,
Potential unrealized,
Status stagnant,
And hearts desire always always a few feet away,
Across a fathomless gorge that is...
This life I live,
With so much to give.
Standing still and waiting,
Barely breathing,
Waiting,
For the One to give it to.
But, first I must be stronger than the driest
Silk.
I must have the goods to give,
And the feathers to pluck,
To make a nest for me and for...
We.
On this road I now put forth the first of many foot falls,
Striking out to seek this life that lives vibrant in my mind,
The hope of a peace filled and loving future,
I pray to...
Find.
Around the corner and over the hill,
The coffers of Agape love... I hope to...
Fill.
I will study, I will wake,
I will run, I will give and I will...
Take.
Blessed are the peace makers,
For all the fabric of the world is created by their
Loom.
I seek not the temptations of the flesh,
But the fulfillment of knowledge of the unknowable,
Unseeing eyes,
That behold my future...
And yours.

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