caetano

There is no more lonely feeling than being right next to someone, feeling the heat from their body rising up, right next to you, and yet feeling a million fucking miles away from them. It is beyond agony, it is beyond endurance. I do not want to be with someone, just to be with Someone. I know that feeling. I know it well. I have lived it, eaten it, shit it out and sucked it back in again. I will never ever ever live through it again. I fucking can not. I will not. I would rather be alone for the remaining years of my pathetic life, than spend one more night, needing, fucking needing to be with the person that is in my bed, but, might as well be on the opposite side of the world. For if they were, they would atleast be a little closer. FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!



EDIT: Whoa somebody stop me. Wow!! I was on the phone this morning until 2, talking to my friend/sister/love Lisa. She and her husband are soooooooooo far away from oneanother right now. He just bought a 38,000 dollar vehicle, 'Without having said word one to her about his intentions to do so'. I know what that place is, I know what it feels like, I know how it crawls under your skin and inside your soul. I know what those days and nights are like. I never, ever, ever ever ever want to have one of them again.

Have a terrible pain in my left eye and the top of my head, from all the vodka I drank. I need fresh air and sunshine. I need to create, I need a hug ora role model. Going to go buy Jade and Hemetite. Going to go read and drink tea for four hours. Going to go and strengthen my body. Going to go and fucking Free my mind.



SAE