The Train Leaves Today
This is just all the stupid shit I think about when I am alone, and have no one to talk to. It hurts me that so often in this life I have been in love with someone who does not love me back. I find it strange that I am at the point in my life where things that seemed like yesterday were actually 25 years ago. I feel alive, so alive, and yet dead inside. I want so much to live, and love, be happy, and make someone else happier than they ever dreamed of being. My world, my perspective seems to be expanding, and yet staying exactly the same. I find myself attracted to women who are 15 to 20 years younger than I am. And that makes me feel like a creepy old man. Yet, I do not really feel old. I feel like just a minute ago I was in high school. I know it is not true. I see myself in the mirror, and I think how the fuck did I get so old? I want, I need, to be pulled into someone's Gravity. How soon can I go to Italy? Does the look I sometimes see in your eyes mean that you might, even for a moment, consider loving me, needing me, the way I love and need you?
I want to spend all day ...Today...on my bike, seeing the whole of the city, and visiting all of my favorite places. Will you finally look into my eyes, and know that I know, that you know, that I love and adore you? Even though I can not effectively explain why or how. It is just something in the way you move, in the way you make me feel when I am near to you, the way my breathing changes, and your very presence interrupts my thought patterns, my ability to reason, or even make sense. The shadows of you baptize me. And all I want to do is taste those lips.
What will it take to make my mother believe, see, and know, that I am leaving, in pursuit of my real life? What will it take to make sure that she is safe? I want to go back to school. I really fucking do. I need it like I need air to breathe. I want to be in that place, doing that thing, and loving every second of life. I want to see India from the top of a train, to smell the ripeness of humanity, and to know that I did not perish before the vision that has been before me, came to fruition. What is it like to hold the one and only M in one's arms? What would it be like to see those shoulders, that wonderful torso, and those spectacular breasts, bare?
I must make it my job to read a certain portion of what I must know to succeed in this quest every day. I must see nothing but the potential fulfilled, and the journey's end. I must keep my eyes on the prize. I can, I will, I must.
~Scott
This is just all the stupid shit I think about when I am alone, and have no one to talk to. It hurts me that so often in this life I have been in love with someone who does not love me back. I find it strange that I am at the point in my life where things that seemed like yesterday were actually 25 years ago. I feel alive, so alive, and yet dead inside. I want so much to live, and love, be happy, and make someone else happier than they ever dreamed of being. My world, my perspective seems to be expanding, and yet staying exactly the same. I find myself attracted to women who are 15 to 20 years younger than I am. And that makes me feel like a creepy old man. Yet, I do not really feel old. I feel like just a minute ago I was in high school. I know it is not true. I see myself in the mirror, and I think how the fuck did I get so old? I want, I need, to be pulled into someone's Gravity. How soon can I go to Italy? Does the look I sometimes see in your eyes mean that you might, even for a moment, consider loving me, needing me, the way I love and need you?
I want to spend all day ...Today...on my bike, seeing the whole of the city, and visiting all of my favorite places. Will you finally look into my eyes, and know that I know, that you know, that I love and adore you? Even though I can not effectively explain why or how. It is just something in the way you move, in the way you make me feel when I am near to you, the way my breathing changes, and your very presence interrupts my thought patterns, my ability to reason, or even make sense. The shadows of you baptize me. And all I want to do is taste those lips.
What will it take to make my mother believe, see, and know, that I am leaving, in pursuit of my real life? What will it take to make sure that she is safe? I want to go back to school. I really fucking do. I need it like I need air to breathe. I want to be in that place, doing that thing, and loving every second of life. I want to see India from the top of a train, to smell the ripeness of humanity, and to know that I did not perish before the vision that has been before me, came to fruition. What is it like to hold the one and only M in one's arms? What would it be like to see those shoulders, that wonderful torso, and those spectacular breasts, bare?
I must make it my job to read a certain portion of what I must know to succeed in this quest every day. I must see nothing but the potential fulfilled, and the journey's end. I must keep my eyes on the prize. I can, I will, I must.
~Scott