caetano

Life moves on

It is a gray day here. And in some ways that is beautiful to me, and in others, it is of course depressing, and makes me want to just crawl into bed and go back to sleep. Conversely it also makes me want to get in a vehicle and drive, and drive and drive some more. I think, I dream, I rationalize, and I plan. Same bullshit different day. Same stupid sad story. Tomorrow is not today. Today is a new chance at a new lifetime. So, best get busy living, or get busy dying....


Edit: What is above is what I wrote yesterday. And again today it is a cloudy day. Yet, as the days pass, my vision is clearer. The restlessness I feel does not have a name. It is an ambition, a journey, as yet to be taken, it is life springing up in me, screaming to break free. Sometimes I think I have gone over the edge, far down into insanity. And then I look around and listen too. What I see, is that all of humanity is operating in some form of their own reality. Where normal, sane, average, and rational reality exists, I just am not sure. I say this of course, because perspective and perception are indeed everything. What is real is so subjective.

I do know that the passion that I feel is very real. I do know that the loneliness I feel is very real. I also know that my hunger to learn new languages and to visit new places is growling to be recognized, and can not wait one more second to be satiated. I look around me and I see the same scenery, the same faces come into view. I need a new set, upon which to act out this play of life. I crave new faces and different souls. I believe it really is never too late to become what you might have been. Now is my time. Now is that season of my life. Desire demands action.

I am feeling sick today. My stomach hurts, my muscles ache continually, and I feel a melancholy spirit rapping on the door of the house that contains my soul, demanding her place in my conscience experience. I can not, must not, will not, let her in. And yet, sometimes she is the most powerful of muses who possess me. She allows me to enter that place where clouds are kingdoms, and planets are points on a map. The largest and most astoundingly gorgeous of visions, may be seen through her eyes. ......


SAE