I do not mean to come across as annoying for proclaiming my inherent attraction to men, but having grown up in a very homophobic environment, with two homophobic parents...it is difficult not to come across that way.
Coming out is a process one never really gets over, and there are still times I loathe myself for being queer. I really shouldn't let the callous remarks of one person on a chat board upset me so, but I have never been able to stifle my sensitivity.
I have envied those who could do so. Those who could stuff their emotions deep down inside and not have them bubble up to the surface.
Above all, I craved to be straight, because in this hyper-masculine culture, to be womanly and to be male is something to be ashamed of.
As if you're not worthy of your own penis. As though you should forfit the right to whatever "maleness" you have and just cut it off.
I see the points made, but you get a little hypersensitive...and feel the sting of homophobia even when it may or may not be there. It has never felt wonderful to be called "fag" or, for instance, be the only person willing to be openly queer in a room full of presumably straight men.
I cannot comfort myself in this. I do not know how to cry and not be seen as weak. I do not know how to be seen as somehow a lesser man for showing my emotions and not being afraid to show my feminine side.
Coming out is a process one never really gets over, and there are still times I loathe myself for being queer. I really shouldn't let the callous remarks of one person on a chat board upset me so, but I have never been able to stifle my sensitivity.
I have envied those who could do so. Those who could stuff their emotions deep down inside and not have them bubble up to the surface.
Above all, I craved to be straight, because in this hyper-masculine culture, to be womanly and to be male is something to be ashamed of.
As if you're not worthy of your own penis. As though you should forfit the right to whatever "maleness" you have and just cut it off.
I see the points made, but you get a little hypersensitive...and feel the sting of homophobia even when it may or may not be there. It has never felt wonderful to be called "fag" or, for instance, be the only person willing to be openly queer in a room full of presumably straight men.
I cannot comfort myself in this. I do not know how to cry and not be seen as weak. I do not know how to be seen as somehow a lesser man for showing my emotions and not being afraid to show my feminine side.
VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
I suppose I am very tired of having to hide it...and I've done the very same thing I've gotten annoyed with in other people...that is, oversharing.
But this never goes away.
And those of you who are in the heterosexual majority should understand that this is not anything you should aspire to be.
I often hear, "Gay People Rock".
Well, maybe us LBGBIT's rock...but I don't get this designer queer attitude. It's not a fashion statement, and I, for one resent it when someone wants to take the glitz and fail to understand that there's a lot of submerged pain underneath it all.
I don't even like the word, "Gay"...it connotes happy and most people I know who are gay, either mostly or halfway, aren't happy at all.
I guess more than anything I resent. I seethe with resentment, whether justified or not.
I seethe that it's SO HOT for a woman to dig other women, but if a man digs other men, then he's to be deplored.
And I resent Keith's somewhat patronizing attitude. Oh, he didn't mean to come across that way, and I am not angry at him...but I don't like it when a straight person tries to dictate to me what it's like to be queer.
You don't know, okay. You will never know, thank god.
I appreciate the "straight-but-not-narrow" crowd...I really do, but unless you yourself feel attracted to a member of the same sex, you won't understand. It's sort of like visiting NYC versus reading about it in a travel book. Oh sure, you might have a good theoretical, abstract idea, but you won't really get it.
[Edited on Jun 05, 2005 11:24PM]
[Edited on Jun 05, 2005 11:45PM]
I didn't imply that she deserved to be the target of violence...but rather I implied that...
YOU SHOULDN'T TEMPT FATE.
There, is it spelled out in big bold letters for you?
Christ, people.
You don't put yourself in dangerous situations, because you realize that every time you do, you will roll the dice, and sometimes your number will be up.
And yes, the "wild" do put themselves in dangerous situations more often, mostly out of a lack of understanding this crucial fact.
I suppose my anger was out of overprotectiveness, because I've placed myself, stupidly, in similar situations and have been damned lucky I wasn't killed.
I am not some vicious monster. Kindly refrain from treating me as such.