Boring weekend. Except tonight.
I had an excellent time with an excllent someone. Maybe I made that person happy, even if for a few moments, and that person made me happy, and still happy.
I dunno tho. "Let the chips fall where they may." It seems thats how its gonna be. Everything's all up to chance.
I wish I could be in an accident again. Or a long coma. Or something.
It had been too long since I'd allowed myself to 'feel' much. So...maybe I shouldn't try to. I'll just 'be'.
What is, is. What will be, will be.
It sucks life is like AA or NA- one day at a time, but i'm at a loss much or the time. To feel amiless and to keep drifting, without an anchor.... Life and all of its comlplex emotions and feelings is a very fragile structure. I've been gone from it for far too long, and now just a dip of my toes into its waters frightens me and enlivens me. Yet...i've been through it all- the good, the bad, and the ugly. I suppose maybe I'll sit this one out on the sidelines as its apparent to me now I haven't a clue what will or won't happen. And this time, its not up to me.
I guess I must let go and wait until fate is written.
Bipolar I guess. I've had these same damn feelings for so damn long now. My mind, perhaps my life, will never be at rest or at peace. It will constantly struggle against itself. It just takes a lot out of me. But I'd not give up a moment of my life thus far because its brought me to now and in 'now', i've met special people that bring a special something into my life i've lacked for far too long.
Fucking hell. I'm never falling asleep now....
I had an excellent time with an excllent someone. Maybe I made that person happy, even if for a few moments, and that person made me happy, and still happy.
I dunno tho. "Let the chips fall where they may." It seems thats how its gonna be. Everything's all up to chance.
I wish I could be in an accident again. Or a long coma. Or something.
It had been too long since I'd allowed myself to 'feel' much. So...maybe I shouldn't try to. I'll just 'be'.
What is, is. What will be, will be.
It sucks life is like AA or NA- one day at a time, but i'm at a loss much or the time. To feel amiless and to keep drifting, without an anchor.... Life and all of its comlplex emotions and feelings is a very fragile structure. I've been gone from it for far too long, and now just a dip of my toes into its waters frightens me and enlivens me. Yet...i've been through it all- the good, the bad, and the ugly. I suppose maybe I'll sit this one out on the sidelines as its apparent to me now I haven't a clue what will or won't happen. And this time, its not up to me.
I guess I must let go and wait until fate is written.
Bipolar I guess. I've had these same damn feelings for so damn long now. My mind, perhaps my life, will never be at rest or at peace. It will constantly struggle against itself. It just takes a lot out of me. But I'd not give up a moment of my life thus far because its brought me to now and in 'now', i've met special people that bring a special something into my life i've lacked for far too long.
Fucking hell. I'm never falling asleep now....
genevalw:
see don't think some of those things....please do feel....the fact that you might not let yourself scares me but I also understand the uncomfortableness of it...I promise to be more open if you promise to be more open to it to...I mean what's the worse that could happen....we could be happy....and as I do recall I think I made a promise not to hurt you and you the same...so lets take it easy...and I hope you finally did fall asleep as I never got a return text on the last one.....I had fun last night....I already miss your touch....