c2drobb

So, tomorrow morning I leave for an overnight trip to Lebanon, PA and although I'm going to miss my fiance and my daughter a ton, I cannot wait! Things have not been easy this past month, nor should they be when the person that you intend to spend the rest of your life with has just had their world turned upside down. No matter how hard I try to put myself in her shoes it just doesn't compare, because I selfishly am grateful that my mother is still alive and well and my father isn't a heartless douche bag who cares only about himself. I'm doing everything I can to be there for her during this, the toughest thing she's ever had to face in her life, but it's taking it's toll on me. This weekend I missed my best friend's wife's birthday just because my fiance is too depressed (as she puts it) to be around people. Yesterday a good friend of mine was in town and I couldn't go see him for the same exact reason. I can't imagine myself abandoning her in her time of need, however I know that my friends don't see the morality in and it kills me to think that I've hurt them. For years I was this single dad that never did anything, but work and be there to raise my daughter. I never wanted to be a burdon to my friends my bringing my toddler daughter around and them have to change their lifestyles because of it. Then one day they called me up out of the blue and made the decision that having me in their lives was more important than having to be more respectful and having to forfeit going out like normal people who don't have children. So, that is why it troubles me so much that I've literally shunned my friends just to be a shoulder to cry on. Therefore these next two days are going to be good for me, as it'll give me sometime to think about how I can juggle the following:
-raising my daughter
-supporting my fiance
-being there for my friends
-focusing on my job
-coaching my daughter's softball team
-fulfilling my duties as the commissioner of the little league's softball division
-keeping my sanity
-actually enjoying playing in my adult softball league

Oh, and I forgot to mention that I'm still in the process of completing my left sleeve, still planning a wedding and now the responsibility has been put on me to find a realitor and a house that fits our very specific needs. Ain't life just grand!