My friends...I just want to share. Thats all. I have no particular story to share per say..just where I am. I've come to some sort of place in life where I recognize the value of being an individual. I, regretfully, have been motivated for much of my life out of the desire to be accepted. My childhood..while no poetic tragidy by any means, was spent as an outcast. No suprise that I worked hard without ever recognizing it, to be accpeted and to gain friends. I think my motives have been obvious to my genuine friends as time has passed. Only in hindsight do I see that though. This is not to say Ive found some ZEN that negates my need for friends...don't get me wrong. I need em...man do I need em.
I let my needs interfere with my artistic abilities though. This is where the twist and turn has happened. My old band became a social vehicle for me...which is no crime. I just didn't recognize how lucky I was to be doing what I wanted to be doing..when I was doing it. When the ship finally ran aground I gave up on music and tried my hand at corporate america. Its not untill I become part of the hampster wheel club that I felt the loss of my previous life and lifestyle.
Suddenly...though not quite overnight, I have found a genuine need to to be purely creative. To make music..or whatever...for myself. I just want to make great things. I am teacing music now too...its so awsome to see a freinds face light up with the recognition that they are making music. I actually PRACTICE now too...something Ive never done. I've begun to re evaluate my needs in diffrent aspects of my life and I have got to say ..IT FEELS GREAT. Everything that goes up must come down, and I am waiting for the roof to start leaking on this new vibe I have. I'm ready for it though. So many times..and I mean SO-MANY-TIMES..Ive gotten temporarily motivated out of frustration. ITs short lived and ultimately more fustratiing in the end. Not this time though.....its more grounded. This is not to say I am on a new motivational path that can't be stopped. OH HELL NO its not that. Maybe thats why it feels so good. ITs something deeper.
