This is a story I recalled last night while reflecting on the impact we can have on people by just "showing the way".
Ten + years ago I was in the navy and living in San Francisco. I had a friend named Anton. We made friends on the ship one way or another and started hanging out off the ship after awhile. We even kind of became roommates of sorts with some other guys. Well, I had been hanging with him for a few weeks when he blurted out something in traffic about "this Niger that cut him off". I was kind of shocked but blew it off to genuine anger and a slip of the tongue. As time went on I found that it wasn't a slip at all, he really had something against black people.
After some time (a few weeks) I finally said something to him about it. I explained that I simply didn't feel the way he did, and that its really hard to hear him blurt these things out. I had to ask him to do his best to hold back the use of the "N" word when I was around. I did my best to not insult him for it, but explained that I thought it made him sound ignorant. I added that when he used it around others and I was with him, I felt really shitty as if I too support his point of view. I kind of joked with a serious tone that white people were as stupid, selfish, and annoying as any other breed or color. (I should add that having had a VERY racist grandpa, I learned that I couldn't change someone that had been taught this was OK and CORRECT with my reactionary anger towards them)
He actually responded well to what I was saying, and that He respected how I felt and would do his best. I think we both felt we were better friends for it.
After some time (another few weeks I guess) he said he had put a little time into what I had said and now could hear how bad it sounded when his dad, who'd been the main racist influence to begin with, would drop the "N" word over the simplest things. It wasn't talked about much after that.
OK..speed up to say..5 years later.
I get a letter in the mail from Anton, whom I'd totally lost touch with. It was a short letter that had this little Unicorn sticker the size of paper punch hole. I thought how odd that was before I read the letter. Seems Anton had gone to school and had been given a creative writing assignment to tell the story of someone who had influenced his life for the better. He had written the story of him and I, in that taught him how foolish it was to be racist. The teacher that gave that assignment would give out this unicorn sticker on papers that struck him or her (I don't know what the criteria was used). He had written to thank me for being "that guy" and sent the unicorn along with his letter, but had gambled that he had actually found me and if this was my actual address. It was a reasonable shot in the dark.
Happy New Years my peeps. Love on each other all you can.
Ten + years ago I was in the navy and living in San Francisco. I had a friend named Anton. We made friends on the ship one way or another and started hanging out off the ship after awhile. We even kind of became roommates of sorts with some other guys. Well, I had been hanging with him for a few weeks when he blurted out something in traffic about "this Niger that cut him off". I was kind of shocked but blew it off to genuine anger and a slip of the tongue. As time went on I found that it wasn't a slip at all, he really had something against black people.
After some time (a few weeks) I finally said something to him about it. I explained that I simply didn't feel the way he did, and that its really hard to hear him blurt these things out. I had to ask him to do his best to hold back the use of the "N" word when I was around. I did my best to not insult him for it, but explained that I thought it made him sound ignorant. I added that when he used it around others and I was with him, I felt really shitty as if I too support his point of view. I kind of joked with a serious tone that white people were as stupid, selfish, and annoying as any other breed or color. (I should add that having had a VERY racist grandpa, I learned that I couldn't change someone that had been taught this was OK and CORRECT with my reactionary anger towards them)
He actually responded well to what I was saying, and that He respected how I felt and would do his best. I think we both felt we were better friends for it.
After some time (another few weeks I guess) he said he had put a little time into what I had said and now could hear how bad it sounded when his dad, who'd been the main racist influence to begin with, would drop the "N" word over the simplest things. It wasn't talked about much after that.
OK..speed up to say..5 years later.
I get a letter in the mail from Anton, whom I'd totally lost touch with. It was a short letter that had this little Unicorn sticker the size of paper punch hole. I thought how odd that was before I read the letter. Seems Anton had gone to school and had been given a creative writing assignment to tell the story of someone who had influenced his life for the better. He had written the story of him and I, in that taught him how foolish it was to be racist. The teacher that gave that assignment would give out this unicorn sticker on papers that struck him or her (I don't know what the criteria was used). He had written to thank me for being "that guy" and sent the unicorn along with his letter, but had gambled that he had actually found me and if this was my actual address. It was a reasonable shot in the dark.
Happy New Years my peeps. Love on each other all you can.
VIEW 12 of 12 COMMENTS
I am pretty good at volleyball!
Being in control is great sometimes, but sometimes I am content to let the other person take over...