buttercup

sorry for not updating my journal for a long time and for not responding to you guys.i`m just so depressed and didn`t want to go on sulking.but in fact nothings getting better.though i try,it`s just getting worse.no spring in sight,every day it`s even colder.right now i don`t even leave the house anymore if it`s not really important.i don`t see any friends anymore,there aren`t any jobs,i`m broke of course,not to mention my "relationship".i even thought about moving back to my mother...oh dear,what the fuck is going on??i know that you have to take life as it comes and all the hippie-bullshit,but i just can`t take it anymore.i stay home all day doing nothing,when there`s so much stuff that i need to do,being so bored i could scream.i can`t paint or do anything creative,i just sit there.i don`t even want to dress up anymore,which is the only thing that keeps me sane.is this ever going to stop?or can it get even worse?should i get professional help?prozac?kill myself?get really drunk?paint my appartment sunny yellow?join the church of satan?read the bell jar,and then kill myself?i have no fucking idea.but please,please cheer me up,will you?thanks...