i'm starting to believe that i'm getting more and more heartless as time goes on.
i mean, i'm being pretty ridiculous about my sister and this whole baby thing. she's called me twice and i haven't returned yet. i'm just not up for this right now. i feel like a bad person because of it, but i just don't know how to deal.
and with the holidays coming, everyone's talking about my grandma, all alone in VA. well, my outlook is that she's chosen to stay in VA, in that big house all by herself. she's chosen it and after awhile, my sympathy runs out.
now, a kid that i know in a roundabout way died. he was driving drunk with a friend, they hit something (i don't remember what) and since neither of them we were wearing seatbelts, he went through the windshield. he was in a coma, i guess. they thought he'd come out of it, but then realized he wasn't going to. i feel bad about it. but when someone dies, everyone is quick to say nice things about him. "he wasn't that bad." or "he was just a kid who wanted to be cool so he ____." you know, i wished him no ill-will, but he was a douchebag. i'm sorry that he didn't get the chance to grow up and hopefully out of that phase, but... i can't deny how i felt about him because he's dead. when someone would say his name, all i could do was roll my eyes.
does this make me a hugely bad person? i mean, i didn't want the kid to go through a windshield. and it is sad that he died so young...
when a family friend of ours died this past summer, i was sitting at the funeral thinking, "why isn't anyone talking about what a grumpy bastard he was?" because he was. he was a grumpy bastard. but he was funny. and i'll remember him for his smile and his laugh. when my aunt killed herself, i didn't want to think about all the good things about her. because, to be quite honest, i don't remember a lot. i remember when she was mean to me the most. but i also remember her laugh. i loved her laugh. and how she taught me how to do eskimo kisses. but she could be a real asshole, too.
when i die, i want people to say all the bad things about me. i want them to get them off their chests and have it all out. and then i want them to remember me for the good stuff. i hope that the good stuff is made that much sweeter by the memory of all this heartless bitchiness.
how do you want to be remembered?
i mean, i'm being pretty ridiculous about my sister and this whole baby thing. she's called me twice and i haven't returned yet. i'm just not up for this right now. i feel like a bad person because of it, but i just don't know how to deal.
and with the holidays coming, everyone's talking about my grandma, all alone in VA. well, my outlook is that she's chosen to stay in VA, in that big house all by herself. she's chosen it and after awhile, my sympathy runs out.
now, a kid that i know in a roundabout way died. he was driving drunk with a friend, they hit something (i don't remember what) and since neither of them we were wearing seatbelts, he went through the windshield. he was in a coma, i guess. they thought he'd come out of it, but then realized he wasn't going to. i feel bad about it. but when someone dies, everyone is quick to say nice things about him. "he wasn't that bad." or "he was just a kid who wanted to be cool so he ____." you know, i wished him no ill-will, but he was a douchebag. i'm sorry that he didn't get the chance to grow up and hopefully out of that phase, but... i can't deny how i felt about him because he's dead. when someone would say his name, all i could do was roll my eyes.
does this make me a hugely bad person? i mean, i didn't want the kid to go through a windshield. and it is sad that he died so young...
when a family friend of ours died this past summer, i was sitting at the funeral thinking, "why isn't anyone talking about what a grumpy bastard he was?" because he was. he was a grumpy bastard. but he was funny. and i'll remember him for his smile and his laugh. when my aunt killed herself, i didn't want to think about all the good things about her. because, to be quite honest, i don't remember a lot. i remember when she was mean to me the most. but i also remember her laugh. i loved her laugh. and how she taught me how to do eskimo kisses. but she could be a real asshole, too.
when i die, i want people to say all the bad things about me. i want them to get them off their chests and have it all out. and then i want them to remember me for the good stuff. i hope that the good stuff is made that much sweeter by the memory of all this heartless bitchiness.
how do you want to be remembered?
of course we all want to be remembered as a happy and nice person. or so id expect. id just like to be remembered for who i actually am....which unfortunately only 1 person actually knows.