...first and foremost....
THANK YOU FOR THE WARM WELCOME BACK TO THE FRONT PAGE !!
Last month I got to celebrate with SG for the (holy smokes) 20th Anniversary! That trip, for me, was one of the most healing experiences I've had... This was the first and only time that I felt free to be present there. To freely enjoy the moments and be 100% myself. It's important to point out that I also enjoyed every other experience I've had with SG, but I ALWAYS knew that whatever joy I had there was being resented. I always knew that what was waiting for me at home. Extra aggressive mental, emotional and sexual abuse. At least I had my saviors, my babies. They were there too, which made the departure and arrival back just that more bifurcated...
I lived for those babies. Really and truly, I ONLY lived for those babies.
Their love. Their loyalty. They listened. They kept me warm. They ran on happy moments. Their presence alone was protection.
Tilly's last gift to me was seeing me through a toxic relationship until I could take the step needed to separate and ask divorce.
Months passed and over those months I was still giving Monroe access to his poppa. Frequent visits and keeping in touch so my boy didn't lose his favorite friend.
And exactly one year ago today Monroe tiredly, lovingly gave me the last lift I needed to 100% remove this person from my life...
My second baby...gone now as well. Leaving just me. To grieve, grow and give back more love to the world.
Well it seems I have digressed.
POINT BEING. I've done over a years worth of intensive, invasive, traumatic personal work and this trip was the grand finale fireworks. I was super nervous, it had been so long, but ultimately I found myself amongst BEAUTIFUL minds, brilliant humans and positive encouragement. And I was allowed to feel all of those things.
I think I've mentioned it before, but the 20th Anniversary set shot by @marysa and my first solo set in a LONG time by @penny were the fuel I needed for the fire to burn my phoenix up from the ground.
I love this community. I love how many times it's saved my life. I love what it has taught me about myself. I love myself MORE because of Suicide Girls.
I am waving my weirdee flag high and proud now. I am accepting joy and exploring freedom.
Thank you SG for everything, I plan on continuing my journey with you and WHAT THE CRAP YOU SURPRISED THE CRAP OUT OF ME BY PUTTING MY SET UP ON MY 15th ANNIVERSARY!
Even more reasons why this place means so much to me.
I love and miss ALL OF THE PEOPLE I got to spend time with in LA. I hope it's not too long until the next time. 😊
Here are some of my favorite photos from 'Woke Up Like This'....
