bully

based on the mass amount of support you all have shown me, i decided to share a bit more.

this is what i was trying to read in parts of my video.
as you could see, it was extremely hard.
i know i wrote it, but i didn't ever anticipate actually reading it myself.
i just wrote cause it needed to get out of me.
everything just got too heavy inside.
anyone that knows even a little bit about me, should know that i would do anything for my babies.
i build my whole world around them.
for them.

so yeah. i don't know if any of you even want to read this.
but i'd like to put it out there anyhow.



luci pamela jade janey jammer
i miss her kisses
and the way she bulldogged her way into the middle of any sort of relation i was having with another person or thing.
me and monroe time eventually turning into me and jammer and monroe time.
me talking to (insert any person's name here) eventually turning into jammer incessantly licking my face till i stop talking and give my undivided attention to her.
me trying to eat food eventually turning into jammer...eating my food...

she yawns so hard she squeaks.
i can still hear it in my head.

she drags her back feet when she walks.
like little kids do when they don't want to go somewhere they have to.

i hear that too.

the covers on the bed are too neat.
no little claw imprints where she'd dig and dig and dig.
maybe she finally did make it china.

she gets so excited when i come home that she can't contain herself...
...or her little paws.
the scratch on my face finally healed up.
and i wish it hadn't.

i used to come back from the another room to find that chocolate milk had mysteriously evaporated out of my cup.
and then i'd see little chocolate milk drops on her whiskers.
she'd insist she had nothing to do with it.

there's a clear curtain for the shower.
it fogs up when i'm taking one.
there's always a jammer head right on the other side.
just sitting there on the bath mat.
waiting.

did the same thing when i was actually using the bathroom...

she's my little peeping jam and i love it.

she runs so fast sometimes she can't make the corners.

she runs so fast sometimes with toys in her mouth that there's a dent in the wall beside my bed.

i treasure my spineless school books.
jammer thought they were delicious.

her little pink t-shirt is still laying in the same spot where i took it off of her.
it's all crumpled on the floor, and don't intend on disturbing it.

i want to hear her wookie impressions again.
she happens to be very good at them.

i miss having jammer stories to tell every day.
i miss coming home from school, loving on the monroe and then telling him "let's go get your sissy"
i miss the walk from the front door to the bedroom to open her crate.
where, by this time, she's usually doing her wookie impressions.
she needed hugs. and she needed them stat.
always.

she loves attention.
and i have to admit i love giving it to her.
i love giving her everything she wants.
she deserves every bit of it.

writing this just doesn't feel right without her clumsily stepping on the keyboard in an attempt to divert my attention away from the screen and onto her little peanut face.

my heart hurts.
it hasn't stopped since that tuesday.

i need my babygirl back in my life.

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thanks again all of you puppy lovers.
it means a lot.

and i'm sorry for my absence...but i'm sure you can understand why now...

xoxo
b





her paw print.


oh and for those of your wondering about my monroe man.
he misses her and, i'm certain, always will.
but he's still handsomely awkward, which definitely helps me remember how to smile.