I moved away from my hometown when I was 28 because I wanted to see the world. The plan was to move around and see things. I had a skill that made it easy to pick up and move anytime I wanted. That first year away I truly lived by myself for the first time in my life. My nearest friend was two hours away. I spent the year going to work then coming home and watching tv. I met no one new. The one sorta friend I had in town I also worked with. He drank a lot, I didn't, so there wasn't much common ground other than work. One of the principle reason I left home was that I wanted to be a better me. I thought that being alone would make me concentrate on the things that I want to accomplish in life. I thought my friends were holding me back. I do concentrate on myself, mostly in self hatred because of all the things that I haven't done, like I did at home. I'm just more alone here.
My friends back home were real. I grew up with some of them, but most I met when I was in my early 20's. I could call them on any given night and hang out. Drink coffee and talk. See a movie. All the things I thought were common but now I see as unique. Those friends were real. I can still call them to this day at any time and talk for hours about anything. Some of them are married now, but I know I can still call on them. Is that rare? I've been away from home for 4 years now and I have yet to make a friend like that. Have I changed? Was I just lucky to meet these friends, these comrades?
I've had two lovers since I left home. Both made good friends, but still not like my comrades. When the dating was over, the friendship was over except for a few random emails and no hard feelings. While I am lonely for a new girlfriend, I think mostly I'm just pineing for a true friend. Someone that gets it. I'm now tied down to where I am by debt. My plan to move around and see things got sidetracked by money and obligation. I can't help to think that if one of my comrades where here they would have stopped me from making this astonishing series of bad decisions. But I can't blame anyone but myself. The only thing to do is to fix it and move on. I just can't seem to find the strength to do it. Fuck it. I'll see what's on cable.
My friends back home were real. I grew up with some of them, but most I met when I was in my early 20's. I could call them on any given night and hang out. Drink coffee and talk. See a movie. All the things I thought were common but now I see as unique. Those friends were real. I can still call them to this day at any time and talk for hours about anything. Some of them are married now, but I know I can still call on them. Is that rare? I've been away from home for 4 years now and I have yet to make a friend like that. Have I changed? Was I just lucky to meet these friends, these comrades?
I've had two lovers since I left home. Both made good friends, but still not like my comrades. When the dating was over, the friendship was over except for a few random emails and no hard feelings. While I am lonely for a new girlfriend, I think mostly I'm just pineing for a true friend. Someone that gets it. I'm now tied down to where I am by debt. My plan to move around and see things got sidetracked by money and obligation. I can't help to think that if one of my comrades where here they would have stopped me from making this astonishing series of bad decisions. But I can't blame anyone but myself. The only thing to do is to fix it and move on. I just can't seem to find the strength to do it. Fuck it. I'll see what's on cable.