it just sorta blows my mind. the most amazing thing is that it is just now blowing my mind. i decided for sure though. i am leaving for Fort Collins in july. i can't stay here any longer. it may not be a whole lot of fun up there but at least i wont be in the middle of... one, two, three, four, maybe even five big messes if you count that one. but that isnt really a big mess. but knowing myself i will probably make it one by july.
i know i am running away from my problems but sometimes it's the best thing you can do. i deal better when problems are fresh and i havent exhausted every possiblity. also i just realized that everybody is sick and fucked up in some way. so why not start over with people i dont know are sick and fucked up yet.
when you are in a serious relationship for a long time you get comfortable having that person there. you dont think about "when we break up" so when you think about the big events in your life such as the death of a parent or a big move, you just naturally assume they are going to be right there with you. when they are gone, you suddenly realize you have to do all of these things by yourself. not totally alone, just not with the same companionship as you would have before. that thought in itself is mind-blowing.
i know i am running away from my problems but sometimes it's the best thing you can do. i deal better when problems are fresh and i havent exhausted every possiblity. also i just realized that everybody is sick and fucked up in some way. so why not start over with people i dont know are sick and fucked up yet.
when you are in a serious relationship for a long time you get comfortable having that person there. you dont think about "when we break up" so when you think about the big events in your life such as the death of a parent or a big move, you just naturally assume they are going to be right there with you. when they are gone, you suddenly realize you have to do all of these things by yourself. not totally alone, just not with the same companionship as you would have before. that thought in itself is mind-blowing.
It was beautiful.
It's funny... he talks just like he writes. He just went on and on, and I kept thinking he was rambling and digressing, but he somehow managed to tie every single thread of speech back into all the others. The man is a genius, and I hope some day he'll be right up there with Twain and Melville and Steinbeck in the pantheon of the greatest american writers.
Fort Collins is a pretty good place. It's a little red around the collar for a college town (especially compared to Boulder)... it's no Austin, but they get some good music, and some VERY interesting people, and it's very close to some of the best camping and hiking on the front range, if you're into that sort of thing.