brynji

I've never been heartbroken before. Before yesterday, that is.
I broke up with my ex-ex girlfriend under pretty bad terms (she was a bitch, I was sick of it, I didn't like her anymore). Then she went out with one of my good friends. That didn't really bother me for too long, just made me really angry. But, either way, I didn't talk to either of them until after they broke up. It just made me really mad because that's a shitty thing to do to a friend.
I thought I was heartbroken. I wasn't.

One of my friends got really bad into drugs. I was about the only person who gave a damn about him, and was trying to help him out, keep him from getting in any more trouble, etc. He continued to do drugs with all his other friends, ditched me, and basically stopped talking to me, because he knew I was the only one who gave a damn.
I though I was heartbroken then. I wasn't

Then, yesterday. I found out that my ex (the more recent one) made out with one of my best friends, and afterwards decided that they were going to get together. When I broke up with her, I was ready to see her with other people...but not my best friend. This time I wasn't just angry, because honestly, I'm still very much in love with her. I didn't break up with her because I didn't have feelings for her anymore.

This time I am truly heartbroken.

And, quite frankly, it is horrible. It doesn't just hurt emotionally, it hurts bad. It feels like my chest has completely caved in, and I can't even breathe. I have never felt worse in my entire life. I want to die.