Strawbettie: The Interview
On a recent constitutional through downtown Portland, Maine, our intrepid reporter, Wesley Thistlerectum stumbled across the one and only Strawbettie, best known for winning the grand prize in the 1985 Paunchy Balding British Male Midwest Subscription Drive. This young lady sold more subscriptions to Paunchy Balding British Male than any youngster in the Midwest.
Interviewer: First of all, how are you doing today?
Strawbettie: Not swell. And you?
interviewer: I've been pretty tired
Strawbettie: That sucks.
Interviewer: Indeed. If you could describe Portland, Maine in three words, what would they be?
Strawbettie: Small, boring, and quaint.
Interviewer: Speaking of such things, did you watch American Idol?
Strawbettie: I saw one episode.
Interviewer: Smashing! Did you know that American Idol was based on a British television show, yet not one Paunchy Balding British Male even placed in the competition? Do you not think that it was a tragedy, and a mockery of the real talent, the paunchy, balding talent of the British Isles?
Strawbettie: Well, I think the issue is really one of ageism . . . I mean, all the contestants were under thirty . . . Hard to really put on paunch before forty.
Interviewer: I have never heard the Yankee Vernacular used in such a beautiful manner. Though the Harry Potter boy looks to be on his way. Tell me, have you ever owned or operated and auto-dialer?
Strawbettie: Hmmm. Not that I am aware of . . .
Interviewer: Ah, you havent lived until you've owned one. They're all the rage with the kids in Wales.
Strawbettie: Interesting. I find the Welsh to be quite entertaining. Have you heard of Jones the Dragon?
Interviewer: Perhaps. Paunchy guy, balding?
Strawbettie: Yes, and often making jokes of fire and hot pursuit.
Interviewer: Ah! Sounds like a bloody fine fellow!
Strawbettie: Indeed. There is someone puking in my bathroom.
Interviewer: Paunchy guy, balding?
Strawbettie: No, petite young woman.
Interviewer: Anne Heche then?
Strawbettie: Sorry, wrong again.
Interviewer: What do you think of Ms. Heche?
Strawbettie: Well, I find her hats to be quite intriguing, and I enjoyed her brief stint on Alley Mcbiel (which I was only watching for Robert Downey jr.).
Interviewer: Yes, as was I. Fine young man, much potential for balding and paunchiness.
Strawbettie: I agree. He must lay off the dope if he wishes to achieve full paunch potential.
Interviewer: Agreed. Where were you born?
Strawbettie: In a house on south Fairview avenue in Lansing Michigan.
Interviewer: Simply Riveting!
Strawbettie: I know.
Interviewer: Did you ever watch Star Trek?
Strawbettie: The next generation only. Quite fond or Pickard's balding head.
Interviewer: Yes, as was I, though he could use some paunch. Though that Riker fellow more than made up for it.
Strawbettie: Agreed.
Interviewer: Do you think Scotty from the original series counts as a Paunchy Balding British Male? He's Scottish, you know?
Strawbettie: well, I believe that the Scots would say no, and the English would say yes.
Interviewer: Yes, its a complicated situation. I believe the debate helped start that unpleasantness in the Falkland Islands.
Interviewer: Well said! Who is your favorite James Bond Woman?
Strawbettie: Well, as I am not entirely familiar with the films . . .
Interviewer: Yes, neither are our readers, oddly enough. They site an utter lack of paunchiness on the par of the cast, as well as a dirth of baldness.
Strawbettie: Agreed again.
Interviewer: It would be so easy to bring Sean Connery back.
Strawbettie: And, to be quite frank . . . He was the best looking (even in his days of hair).
Interviewer: Yes, I agree, though technically he is a paunchy, balding Scottish male
Strawbettie: Now he is. True.
Interviewer: Last question. Which of the Martin Sheens sons would make the best paunchy, balding, Brit? Emilio Estavez or Charlie Sheen? Personally, I would say Emilio.
Strawbettie: Agreed. Charlie is just too buff . . . yuck.
Interviewer: Yes, yes.
Interviewer: Plus, no matter how bad the mighty ducks may have been, it never sunk below the depravity of Major League II
Strawbettie: eeeeeeeeeeeeeek.
Interviewer: Were you aware of that sequel? It was quite dodgey.
Strawbettie: No sir. I try to avoid sequels.
Interviewer: As do I.
Interviewer: But I happened to cross paths with that particular sequel on a day in which I began hitting the cordial since 11 in the morning.
Strawbettie: I see.
Interviewer: I was more animal than man. I then watched Bed Knobs and broomsticks.
Strawbettie: I see.
Interviewer: Twice, mind you. And with that thought, I will bid you adieu. Thank you for your time, Strawbettie. Our readers will certainly love this interview
Strawbettie: yes, and thank you, sir. I must to my shower anyway. good night.
On a recent constitutional through downtown Portland, Maine, our intrepid reporter, Wesley Thistlerectum stumbled across the one and only Strawbettie, best known for winning the grand prize in the 1985 Paunchy Balding British Male Midwest Subscription Drive. This young lady sold more subscriptions to Paunchy Balding British Male than any youngster in the Midwest.
Interviewer: First of all, how are you doing today?
Strawbettie: Not swell. And you?
interviewer: I've been pretty tired
Strawbettie: That sucks.
Interviewer: Indeed. If you could describe Portland, Maine in three words, what would they be?
Strawbettie: Small, boring, and quaint.
Interviewer: Speaking of such things, did you watch American Idol?
Strawbettie: I saw one episode.
Interviewer: Smashing! Did you know that American Idol was based on a British television show, yet not one Paunchy Balding British Male even placed in the competition? Do you not think that it was a tragedy, and a mockery of the real talent, the paunchy, balding talent of the British Isles?
Strawbettie: Well, I think the issue is really one of ageism . . . I mean, all the contestants were under thirty . . . Hard to really put on paunch before forty.
Interviewer: I have never heard the Yankee Vernacular used in such a beautiful manner. Though the Harry Potter boy looks to be on his way. Tell me, have you ever owned or operated and auto-dialer?
Strawbettie: Hmmm. Not that I am aware of . . .
Interviewer: Ah, you havent lived until you've owned one. They're all the rage with the kids in Wales.
Strawbettie: Interesting. I find the Welsh to be quite entertaining. Have you heard of Jones the Dragon?
Interviewer: Perhaps. Paunchy guy, balding?
Strawbettie: Yes, and often making jokes of fire and hot pursuit.
Interviewer: Ah! Sounds like a bloody fine fellow!
Strawbettie: Indeed. There is someone puking in my bathroom.
Interviewer: Paunchy guy, balding?
Strawbettie: No, petite young woman.
Interviewer: Anne Heche then?
Strawbettie: Sorry, wrong again.
Interviewer: What do you think of Ms. Heche?
Strawbettie: Well, I find her hats to be quite intriguing, and I enjoyed her brief stint on Alley Mcbiel (which I was only watching for Robert Downey jr.).
Interviewer: Yes, as was I. Fine young man, much potential for balding and paunchiness.
Strawbettie: I agree. He must lay off the dope if he wishes to achieve full paunch potential.
Interviewer: Agreed. Where were you born?
Strawbettie: In a house on south Fairview avenue in Lansing Michigan.
Interviewer: Simply Riveting!
Strawbettie: I know.
Interviewer: Did you ever watch Star Trek?
Strawbettie: The next generation only. Quite fond or Pickard's balding head.
Interviewer: Yes, as was I, though he could use some paunch. Though that Riker fellow more than made up for it.
Strawbettie: Agreed.
Interviewer: Do you think Scotty from the original series counts as a Paunchy Balding British Male? He's Scottish, you know?
Strawbettie: well, I believe that the Scots would say no, and the English would say yes.
Interviewer: Yes, its a complicated situation. I believe the debate helped start that unpleasantness in the Falkland Islands.
Interviewer: Well said! Who is your favorite James Bond Woman?
Strawbettie: Well, as I am not entirely familiar with the films . . .
Interviewer: Yes, neither are our readers, oddly enough. They site an utter lack of paunchiness on the par of the cast, as well as a dirth of baldness.
Strawbettie: Agreed again.
Interviewer: It would be so easy to bring Sean Connery back.
Strawbettie: And, to be quite frank . . . He was the best looking (even in his days of hair).
Interviewer: Yes, I agree, though technically he is a paunchy, balding Scottish male
Strawbettie: Now he is. True.
Interviewer: Last question. Which of the Martin Sheens sons would make the best paunchy, balding, Brit? Emilio Estavez or Charlie Sheen? Personally, I would say Emilio.
Strawbettie: Agreed. Charlie is just too buff . . . yuck.
Interviewer: Yes, yes.
Interviewer: Plus, no matter how bad the mighty ducks may have been, it never sunk below the depravity of Major League II
Strawbettie: eeeeeeeeeeeeeek.
Interviewer: Were you aware of that sequel? It was quite dodgey.
Strawbettie: No sir. I try to avoid sequels.
Interviewer: As do I.
Interviewer: But I happened to cross paths with that particular sequel on a day in which I began hitting the cordial since 11 in the morning.
Strawbettie: I see.
Interviewer: I was more animal than man. I then watched Bed Knobs and broomsticks.
Strawbettie: I see.
Interviewer: Twice, mind you. And with that thought, I will bid you adieu. Thank you for your time, Strawbettie. Our readers will certainly love this interview
Strawbettie: yes, and thank you, sir. I must to my shower anyway. good night.
indie:
wow that is a long interview!