Another excerpt from teh November issue of Paunchy balding British Male, this time with the lovely Demolition Kitten
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Today, Wesley Thistlerectums Interview is with the lovely Rolanda Jackson. In this candid conversation, Wesley discusses paint fumes, the complexities of child rearing, the Polar Bear Club, and her love for Paunchy Balding British Males.
Interviewer: Hello Ms. Jackson, how are you today?
Demolitionkitten: I'm a little bit buzzed from fumes. how are you?
Interviewer: E-gad! I am doing all right. Fumes?
Demolitionkitten: yes, fumes. I am painting lightening bolts on my gloves.
Interviewer: Smashing!
Demolitionkitten: it is making my head tingly. it is a good time.
Interviewer: Oooh good call, I was about to ask what makes you tingly!
Demolitionkitten: axkuuluuyjyrsa
Demolitionkitten: sorry. my trusty sidekick has spazzed out.
Interviewer: Haha, that lovable scamp!
Interviewer: How is your sidekick, this morning?
Demolitionkitten: he seems to be angry, but more like excited
Interviewer: Ah, the impetuousness of youth. Would you say he is an angry, troubled youth with an angst ridden psyche?
Demolitionkitten: I would say he is not locked in closets often enough. I should work on that.
Interviewer: Mmmm indeed. If you could be an animal, what would it be?
Demolitionkitten: is there an animal that eats her young as a natural life process? I'd like to be that one. Oh, I am sorry. I meant a puppy.
Interviewer: Hmmmm I know male polar bears do sometimes
Demolitionkitten: puppies are cute and cuddly.
Interviewer: A puppy! Brilliant!
Demolitionkitten: Polar bears! egad! NOOOOOO
Interviewer: Do you have a thing against polar bears?
Demolitionkitten: next question, please.
Interviewer: Hmmmm, the next question actually involves teh Polar bear club, you know, those naked guys who swim in like Lake Michigan in January. Should I skip it too?
Demolitionkitten: oh no! we shall talk about naked men if you wish.
Interviewer: Is there a chapter of the Polar Bears club in your area, and, if so, are you an active member?
Demolitionkitten: I am not an active "member" but yes, there is one nearby.
Interviewer: Sensational! Would you ever consider participating in one of their drunken splish splash parties?
(we are interrupted by a phone call from headquarters)
Demolitionkitten: sorry. important phone call from headquarters.
Interviewer: Ah, no problem. Are you a fan of paunchy, balding British males?
Demolitionkitten: very much so. rawwwwwr. esp. if they have bad teeth.
Interviewer: Haha, our readers will love to hear that! And what do you think of Hugh Grant?
Demolitionkitten: I think he needs to gain a little weight in the midsection otherwise he is just fabu.
Interviewer: Terrif! That is my opinion as well! However, a recent readers poll suggests he could also stand to bald a little more. Would you agree with this?
Demolitionkitten: I figure he will eventually as soooo many men do. It gives me something to look forward to. I am in no rush.
Interviewer: Ah, muy bien! (thats very good to our non Spanish speaking readers) Would you mind one more question?
Demolitionkitten: make it quick please. my kitchen is on fire.
Interviewer: If you could transmogrify one American celebrity into a paunchy, balding British male, who would it be?
Demolitionkitten: oh, that is simple. That would be Ben Affleck. He is already dreamy but paunchy and bald he would be divine!
Interviewer: Well he's already bald, though it is the policy of this magazine that we HATE HIM SO MUCH! But, different strokes for different folks
Demolitionkitten: oh, I seem to have struck a nerve. Look, smoke! must go now.....
interviewer: okay, cheerio!
Demolitionkitten: good day sir.
______________________________________________
Today, Wesley Thistlerectums Interview is with the lovely Rolanda Jackson. In this candid conversation, Wesley discusses paint fumes, the complexities of child rearing, the Polar Bear Club, and her love for Paunchy Balding British Males.
Interviewer: Hello Ms. Jackson, how are you today?
Demolitionkitten: I'm a little bit buzzed from fumes. how are you?
Interviewer: E-gad! I am doing all right. Fumes?
Demolitionkitten: yes, fumes. I am painting lightening bolts on my gloves.
Interviewer: Smashing!
Demolitionkitten: it is making my head tingly. it is a good time.
Interviewer: Oooh good call, I was about to ask what makes you tingly!
Demolitionkitten: axkuuluuyjyrsa
Demolitionkitten: sorry. my trusty sidekick has spazzed out.
Interviewer: Haha, that lovable scamp!
Interviewer: How is your sidekick, this morning?
Demolitionkitten: he seems to be angry, but more like excited
Interviewer: Ah, the impetuousness of youth. Would you say he is an angry, troubled youth with an angst ridden psyche?
Demolitionkitten: I would say he is not locked in closets often enough. I should work on that.
Interviewer: Mmmm indeed. If you could be an animal, what would it be?
Demolitionkitten: is there an animal that eats her young as a natural life process? I'd like to be that one. Oh, I am sorry. I meant a puppy.
Interviewer: Hmmmm I know male polar bears do sometimes
Demolitionkitten: puppies are cute and cuddly.
Interviewer: A puppy! Brilliant!
Demolitionkitten: Polar bears! egad! NOOOOOO
Interviewer: Do you have a thing against polar bears?
Demolitionkitten: next question, please.
Interviewer: Hmmmm, the next question actually involves teh Polar bear club, you know, those naked guys who swim in like Lake Michigan in January. Should I skip it too?
Demolitionkitten: oh no! we shall talk about naked men if you wish.
Interviewer: Is there a chapter of the Polar Bears club in your area, and, if so, are you an active member?
Demolitionkitten: I am not an active "member" but yes, there is one nearby.
Interviewer: Sensational! Would you ever consider participating in one of their drunken splish splash parties?
(we are interrupted by a phone call from headquarters)
Demolitionkitten: sorry. important phone call from headquarters.
Interviewer: Ah, no problem. Are you a fan of paunchy, balding British males?
Demolitionkitten: very much so. rawwwwwr. esp. if they have bad teeth.
Interviewer: Haha, our readers will love to hear that! And what do you think of Hugh Grant?
Demolitionkitten: I think he needs to gain a little weight in the midsection otherwise he is just fabu.
Interviewer: Terrif! That is my opinion as well! However, a recent readers poll suggests he could also stand to bald a little more. Would you agree with this?
Demolitionkitten: I figure he will eventually as soooo many men do. It gives me something to look forward to. I am in no rush.
Interviewer: Ah, muy bien! (thats very good to our non Spanish speaking readers) Would you mind one more question?
Demolitionkitten: make it quick please. my kitchen is on fire.
Interviewer: If you could transmogrify one American celebrity into a paunchy, balding British male, who would it be?
Demolitionkitten: oh, that is simple. That would be Ben Affleck. He is already dreamy but paunchy and bald he would be divine!
Interviewer: Well he's already bald, though it is the policy of this magazine that we HATE HIM SO MUCH! But, different strokes for different folks
Demolitionkitten: oh, I seem to have struck a nerve. Look, smoke! must go now.....
interviewer: okay, cheerio!
Demolitionkitten: good day sir.
jolene:
these interviews are fucking hilarious! tell rolanda i said hi.