The following is an interview froma certain popular British magazine...
Interviewer: So, Matt, what have you been up to lately?
Matt: Oh you know, same ol' thang, polishin' my caddie, and duckin tha po-lice.
Interviewer: Umm, what?
Matt: Huh? Oh sorry, I've been watching Dolemite.
Interviewer: Really?
Matt: No. I'm just a big dork.
Interviewer: Fascinating! Tell me more!
Matt: Well, yesterday, I helped my sister move across town, so I feel like crap today. My muscles are all sore.
Interviewer: That sounds like F-U-N, fun! Tell me, what makes you tingly?
Matt: My new switchblade is in the mail, should be arriving sometime today. I'm all tingly with anticipation.
Interviewer: Sensational! So what have you been listening to lately?
Matt: I've really been digging the Transplants. Its like a continuation of Life Wont Wait, with a little Wu-Tang and Body Count thrown in. I've also been listening to the best mixed cd ever made, sent to me as a birthday present from the lovely Rolanda, The Mutilators - Hotrod Whore, The Hellbillys - Torture Garden, and The Misfits - Legacy of Brutality a lot.
Interviewer: That's brutali-teeeee-riffic! Any plans for the near future?
Matt: Well, I am headed to Boston on Friday the 1st to see The Rev, and hang out with my friend Meghann, possibly catch the SG curry while I am there.
Interviewer: Smashing! Have you been to any other concerts lately?
Matt: I caught the Distillers and Spitzz in New London, CT, the Friday before last.
Interviewer: Would you say it was awesomely awesome?
Matt: I'd say it was a great show. I've seen the distillers three times now, they always rock. Spitzz were amazing. Ex Showcase Showdown, I strongly recommend them.
Interviewer: I have all their albums.
Matt: You have a hair piece.
Interviewer: It is quite becoming.
Matt: Not really at all. Its like the scumstache I'm growing for Halloween.
Interviewer: Really? I thought it (the scumstache) was quite smashing.
Matt: Wait, are you from Tiger Beat?
Interviewer: If I were, would you hold it against me?
Matt: No. Not at all.
Interviewer: That's terrific. I'm from Paunchy Balding British Male magazine, by the way.
Matt: (long pause, with one eyebrow cocked)
Interviewer: The first magazine devoted to Paunchy Balding British men, and the women who love them.
Matt: Oh, THAT Paunchy Balding British Male. I'm not British.
Interviewer: I know.
Matt: Or balding.
Interviewer: I know.
Matt: So why are you here?
Interviewer: Well, you are a tad paunchy.
Matt: That's it, interviews over.
_____________________________________________
2:44 PM EST
The parcel arrived. Works beatifully, matches my truck. Woo hoo, happy happy switchblade knife...
Interviewer: So, Matt, what have you been up to lately?
Matt: Oh you know, same ol' thang, polishin' my caddie, and duckin tha po-lice.
Interviewer: Umm, what?
Matt: Huh? Oh sorry, I've been watching Dolemite.
Interviewer: Really?
Matt: No. I'm just a big dork.
Interviewer: Fascinating! Tell me more!
Matt: Well, yesterday, I helped my sister move across town, so I feel like crap today. My muscles are all sore.
Interviewer: That sounds like F-U-N, fun! Tell me, what makes you tingly?
Matt: My new switchblade is in the mail, should be arriving sometime today. I'm all tingly with anticipation.
Interviewer: Sensational! So what have you been listening to lately?
Matt: I've really been digging the Transplants. Its like a continuation of Life Wont Wait, with a little Wu-Tang and Body Count thrown in. I've also been listening to the best mixed cd ever made, sent to me as a birthday present from the lovely Rolanda, The Mutilators - Hotrod Whore, The Hellbillys - Torture Garden, and The Misfits - Legacy of Brutality a lot.
Interviewer: That's brutali-teeeee-riffic! Any plans for the near future?
Matt: Well, I am headed to Boston on Friday the 1st to see The Rev, and hang out with my friend Meghann, possibly catch the SG curry while I am there.
Interviewer: Smashing! Have you been to any other concerts lately?
Matt: I caught the Distillers and Spitzz in New London, CT, the Friday before last.
Interviewer: Would you say it was awesomely awesome?
Matt: I'd say it was a great show. I've seen the distillers three times now, they always rock. Spitzz were amazing. Ex Showcase Showdown, I strongly recommend them.
Interviewer: I have all their albums.
Matt: You have a hair piece.
Interviewer: It is quite becoming.
Matt: Not really at all. Its like the scumstache I'm growing for Halloween.
Interviewer: Really? I thought it (the scumstache) was quite smashing.
Matt: Wait, are you from Tiger Beat?
Interviewer: If I were, would you hold it against me?
Matt: No. Not at all.
Interviewer: That's terrific. I'm from Paunchy Balding British Male magazine, by the way.
Matt: (long pause, with one eyebrow cocked)
Interviewer: The first magazine devoted to Paunchy Balding British men, and the women who love them.
Matt: Oh, THAT Paunchy Balding British Male. I'm not British.
Interviewer: I know.
Matt: Or balding.
Interviewer: I know.
Matt: So why are you here?
Interviewer: Well, you are a tad paunchy.
Matt: That's it, interviews over.
_____________________________________________
2:44 PM EST
The parcel arrived. Works beatifully, matches my truck. Woo hoo, happy happy switchblade knife...
