Looking back on 2004, it was a pretty stupid year.
Let's start with the latest news. With over 58,000 people killed in a Tsunami, my local paper made sure that readers skimming the front page knew that 2003 Sports Illustrated swimsuit cover girl Petra Nemacova survived the disaster. Way to put a sexy face on human suffering, Sun Journal!
Stupid.
The presidential election? It was a race between two candidates that probably both could have lost to a rotten orangutan carcass held up on a stick with a "Yay Jesus! Boo bad guys!" sign stapled to its forehead.
Stupid.
Paris Hilton continued to garner attention, even though I still really can't figure out what it is she does that is culturally noteoworthy.
Stupid.
Jessica Simpson continued to tickle my vagal reflex with her special brand of feaux retardation that makes her mimbo husband look, ummm, less retarded.
Stupid.
Ugg boots may have begun ushering in a new wave of clown fashion. takenoko zoku revival anyone?
Stupid.
Children supposedly reduced to depraved, demonic sex zombies by seeing Janet Jackson's nipple clip (and not the hundreds of Erectile Dysfunction and Penile Enhancement ads) during the super bowl?
Stupid.
Passion of the Christ? It was two hours of cliche film conventions, including way too gratuitous use of the slow-mo agonized Jesus face set to overly dramatic music. No wonder it gunked up the fundies' undies. There's nothing they love more than being exploited with simplistic cliches.
Stupid.
Easily the dumbest thing of the year, however, was Madonna, Britney Spears, Demi Moore, and Ashton Kutcher taking up Kabbalah. Anyone want to speculate on whether the 'Kutch is even clipped? Seriously, where the hell did this come from? Whats next? Affleck taking up bone pointing?
Let's start with the latest news. With over 58,000 people killed in a Tsunami, my local paper made sure that readers skimming the front page knew that 2003 Sports Illustrated swimsuit cover girl Petra Nemacova survived the disaster. Way to put a sexy face on human suffering, Sun Journal!
Stupid.
The presidential election? It was a race between two candidates that probably both could have lost to a rotten orangutan carcass held up on a stick with a "Yay Jesus! Boo bad guys!" sign stapled to its forehead.
Stupid.
Paris Hilton continued to garner attention, even though I still really can't figure out what it is she does that is culturally noteoworthy.
Stupid.
Jessica Simpson continued to tickle my vagal reflex with her special brand of feaux retardation that makes her mimbo husband look, ummm, less retarded.
Stupid.
Ugg boots may have begun ushering in a new wave of clown fashion. takenoko zoku revival anyone?
Stupid.
Children supposedly reduced to depraved, demonic sex zombies by seeing Janet Jackson's nipple clip (and not the hundreds of Erectile Dysfunction and Penile Enhancement ads) during the super bowl?
Stupid.
Passion of the Christ? It was two hours of cliche film conventions, including way too gratuitous use of the slow-mo agonized Jesus face set to overly dramatic music. No wonder it gunked up the fundies' undies. There's nothing they love more than being exploited with simplistic cliches.
Stupid.
Easily the dumbest thing of the year, however, was Madonna, Britney Spears, Demi Moore, and Ashton Kutcher taking up Kabbalah. Anyone want to speculate on whether the 'Kutch is even clipped? Seriously, where the hell did this come from? Whats next? Affleck taking up bone pointing?
I would just like to go on the record now by saying that your vocabulary turns me on. Is that the O.E.D. in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?
...it's funny, see, because you couldn't fit the... O.E.D. in your... pock...et...
*cough*
I'm done now.