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bruiser_boy

America's Armpit

Member Since 2003

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Wednesday Sep 15, 2004

Sep 15, 2004
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bruiserboy
1:28p Tiger Army Never Dies... No Matter How Hard You Wish and Pray

Geoff Kresge finally dropped out of the worlds cuddliest culobilly band. In conjunction with Fred Hell's decision to leave in July, Nick 13 was left with no choice BUT TO CONTINUE ON WITH YET ANOTHER COMPLETE LINEUP CHANGE!!

While Geoff and Fred have already been replaced, here are some eeerie visions of the future line ups of the band:

Nick 13, Ted Lange (Isaac from the Love Boat) and Charo Its just like a loveboat reunion! Only sort of.. at least mildy... but not quite really at all psychobilly... just like the new album. Last approx. 2 Hours, ends with Charo falling back in love with something or someone she calls "Coochie" and Isaac saying "Out of sight!" and doing hand jive at an already agitated Nick 13.

Nick Thirteen, Axl Rose and Dave Mustaine Dubbed the primadonna like a virgin tour, it would last .0000001 seconds, collapse, and somehow Axl would walk away with the rights to all the music.

Jerry Only, London May, Doyle Surprise! Those zany former Misfits are at it again after Nick 13 figures out that he's been a solo artist all along. Lasts five years, results in two decent metal but not at all Tiger Army-ish albums, then implodes when Doyle quits the band again. Jerry briefly attempts to perform as Tiger Army Project 1994 with Charo and a the bass player from the Knack, doing covers of Ace of Base and Lisa Loeb, but meets with little interest from fans.

Nick 13 and Biz Markie After seeing the error of his ways, Nick 13 reforms Tiger Army with only two members: Himself on guitar and The Biz on human beat box. They break up in a week when Nick becomes aggrivated that, as has long been reported, The Biz really never sleeps.

Nick 13, Siegfried and Roy In its final and most flamboyant incarnation, Tiger Army adopts an elaborate stage show complete with tigers and dancers. Ends, predictably, with Nick 13 being eaten by a Tiger.

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