So Phish has finally decided to break up for good at the end of the summer. With that in mind, here is an exert from the imfamous "Bruiserboy FAQ".
...................................................
But Matt, why all the animosity towards Phish? They're the world's greatest jam band!
::stabs::
Ow!! Why did you just stick me with that switchblade
Because, they're the DEVIL.
I thought Affleck was the devil
You want some more staby-stabby?
No! No more stabby!!
Good
Is it safe to ask more questions?
Yes.
About Phish?
I guess so.
What Makes Phish the DEVIL
Ah, glad you ask. There was a period in the late 90s where every summer, Phish would throw these huge festivals up north at Loring Air Force Base.
Four or five days before the events, a dust cloud would rise up in the southern sky, heralding the coming darkness.
Three days before the event, we would start to hear agonized screams from communities along
border. Rumors would begin to circulate of whole villages vanishing in the night.
At two days, the stench would hit us, a combination of goat farm, death, hormones, ass sweat, armpit, pot, feet, vegan farts and pachuli. Eyes would water. Animals would die in the fields. Flies would begin swarming. Reports of strange scouts, dressed in ragged clothes with filthy hair and bloodshot eyes foraging for junk food and medicinal herbs in the outlying villages would start to surface.
Then dawn would come, and THEY would descend on us.
Tens of thousands of filthy, ragged, shoeless humanoids, begging for change and asking anyone under the age of thirty if they knew where they could score some weed would come streaming through, leaving a trail of garbage, shed dreadlocks, drug paraphanelia and bodily fluids in their wake.
No one was safe. They jammed the roads so that escape by land was an impossibility. Hospitals were already packed with car accident victims and overdoses.
Sewage treatment plants would become over burdened and shut down.
Disease ran rampant.
Then came the momentary calm. It was absolutely maddening. We knew that they could come swarming back at us at any moment.
Each second was like a fish hook being dragged through your skin, down along your spine.
You could still smell them.
Showering was useless because a cloud of filth and grime lingered for days.
All but the hardiest were driven into a frenzied panic.
Funeral pyres burned all night as mass suicide became the only way out.
Survivors envied the dead.
Then, they came back through, bringing more death, more garbage and an even worse stench because they STILL hadn't bathed.
It would take months to clean up after them, and the landscape itself would never fully recover.
Stragglers would continue drifting south for weeks, causing horrffic flashbacks in those who had witnessed the carnage first hand.
The horror... the horror....
::stabs::
Ow! What the hell was that for, you fucking asshole?!
Just cuz.
You're a real bastard, you know that?
I know. I love you too...
...................................................
But Matt, why all the animosity towards Phish? They're the world's greatest jam band!
::stabs::
Ow!! Why did you just stick me with that switchblade
Because, they're the DEVIL.
I thought Affleck was the devil
You want some more staby-stabby?
No! No more stabby!!
Good
Is it safe to ask more questions?
Yes.
About Phish?
I guess so.
What Makes Phish the DEVIL
Ah, glad you ask. There was a period in the late 90s where every summer, Phish would throw these huge festivals up north at Loring Air Force Base.
Four or five days before the events, a dust cloud would rise up in the southern sky, heralding the coming darkness.
Three days before the event, we would start to hear agonized screams from communities along
border. Rumors would begin to circulate of whole villages vanishing in the night.
At two days, the stench would hit us, a combination of goat farm, death, hormones, ass sweat, armpit, pot, feet, vegan farts and pachuli. Eyes would water. Animals would die in the fields. Flies would begin swarming. Reports of strange scouts, dressed in ragged clothes with filthy hair and bloodshot eyes foraging for junk food and medicinal herbs in the outlying villages would start to surface.
Then dawn would come, and THEY would descend on us.
Tens of thousands of filthy, ragged, shoeless humanoids, begging for change and asking anyone under the age of thirty if they knew where they could score some weed would come streaming through, leaving a trail of garbage, shed dreadlocks, drug paraphanelia and bodily fluids in their wake.
No one was safe. They jammed the roads so that escape by land was an impossibility. Hospitals were already packed with car accident victims and overdoses.
Sewage treatment plants would become over burdened and shut down.
Disease ran rampant.
Then came the momentary calm. It was absolutely maddening. We knew that they could come swarming back at us at any moment.
Each second was like a fish hook being dragged through your skin, down along your spine.
You could still smell them.
Showering was useless because a cloud of filth and grime lingered for days.
All but the hardiest were driven into a frenzied panic.
Funeral pyres burned all night as mass suicide became the only way out.
Survivors envied the dead.
Then, they came back through, bringing more death, more garbage and an even worse stench because they STILL hadn't bathed.
It would take months to clean up after them, and the landscape itself would never fully recover.
Stragglers would continue drifting south for weeks, causing horrffic flashbacks in those who had witnessed the carnage first hand.
The horror... the horror....
::stabs::
Ow! What the hell was that for, you fucking asshole?!
Just cuz.
You're a real bastard, you know that?
I know. I love you too...
They Rock!
[Edited on May 26, 2004 3:51PM]