Ugh...5-something AM and not a wink of sleep. I went to bed around midnight, but between my hot and cold sweats, the waking dreams, and the cat "making biscuits" in my back, sleep just wasn't happening. Cat finally kicked me out of the bed. I didn't mind...can only stare at the ceiling for so long before I get irritated at myself for not being able to sleep.
My roommate will be up soon to go to work, so I need to keep quiet, else he'll come in and bug me. Pushing 30 and living with a roommate isn't my ideal setup, but after a recent cross-country move, the cheap rent is welcome. Next place I move into will be something I buy hopefully.
Perhaps it's only social programming, but I feel the overwhelming urge to plant roots. The thought of making the decade shift into the 30's really depresses the shit out of me. I'm supposed to be, like, a grown-up and stuff.
I hope this isn't some sort of premature mid-life crisis. Guess that means I should buy a sports car and start dating girls (as opposed to women). ehehe
Before any of these fantasies can occur, I spose I should get back into the job market. I budgeted to take a year off work, but I'm at the 6 month mark and beginning to get bored. It doesn't help that my stuff is still in storage in some podunk town in Maryland...makes it hard to pursue some of my hobbies when my shit is 3500 miles away. I moved back home with a suitcase, my cat, and my computer -- the barest of essentials.
I think it was Bertrand Russell who philosophized that in order to know true happiness, one also needs to know boredom. As a point of reference I guess. I'm not sure if I buy it 100%, but I'm willing to give him the benefit of the doubt. Before my little retirement here, I mapped out the phases of my mental state. I planned for Relief>Relaxation>Reflection>Boredom>Depression>Panic> Motivation. It didn't quite work out like that...I skipped Relaxation altogether and Depression came out of turn, before Reflection.
If there is one thing I learned about myself during my reflection phase, it was that I spent WAY too much time living in the shadow of my younger self and constantly looking over my shoulder for the dead relatives I mentioned before. I've pretty much ditched that attitude. No one else cares about what I was doing 10 years ago (i.e. the college days), so why the fuck should I? It's time to update the old image...time to carve out a new path for myself, not the bullshit rut I made all that time ago. I won't even bore myself with the details of how I ventured upon that.
I'm gonna try hard to keep this journal updated. I do this mostly for myself, but to anyone else reading this drivel, I'll be sure to keep you entertained.
I used to keep an actual paper&pencil journal, but it got to the point where I was too lazy to write by hand. I too have become a slave to convenience, though I felt I was one of the last of the holdouts. Hell, I just got a cell phone about a year ago. 
Ah well, my attention span is crap these days anyway...I think I may have the adult version of ADD.
Bah, I had a point, but I forgot it a few sentences back. Guess that's a sign I should do something else. Not much I can do at this time of morning, so I'll blast some Noise Unit directly into my eardrums and wait for the sun to come up. =/
For those of you who aren't me...*boggle*...Be sure to see my last entry, as it will whet your appetite for things to come. I hate to think of myself as some pompous ass who goes around quoting poets and philosophers, but the fact is, I read a lot of that stuff, so a lot of what I write will reference it.
Later dudes.
My roommate will be up soon to go to work, so I need to keep quiet, else he'll come in and bug me. Pushing 30 and living with a roommate isn't my ideal setup, but after a recent cross-country move, the cheap rent is welcome. Next place I move into will be something I buy hopefully.
Perhaps it's only social programming, but I feel the overwhelming urge to plant roots. The thought of making the decade shift into the 30's really depresses the shit out of me. I'm supposed to be, like, a grown-up and stuff.
I hope this isn't some sort of premature mid-life crisis. Guess that means I should buy a sports car and start dating girls (as opposed to women). ehehe
Before any of these fantasies can occur, I spose I should get back into the job market. I budgeted to take a year off work, but I'm at the 6 month mark and beginning to get bored. It doesn't help that my stuff is still in storage in some podunk town in Maryland...makes it hard to pursue some of my hobbies when my shit is 3500 miles away. I moved back home with a suitcase, my cat, and my computer -- the barest of essentials.
I think it was Bertrand Russell who philosophized that in order to know true happiness, one also needs to know boredom. As a point of reference I guess. I'm not sure if I buy it 100%, but I'm willing to give him the benefit of the doubt. Before my little retirement here, I mapped out the phases of my mental state. I planned for Relief>Relaxation>Reflection>Boredom>Depression>Panic> Motivation. It didn't quite work out like that...I skipped Relaxation altogether and Depression came out of turn, before Reflection.
If there is one thing I learned about myself during my reflection phase, it was that I spent WAY too much time living in the shadow of my younger self and constantly looking over my shoulder for the dead relatives I mentioned before. I've pretty much ditched that attitude. No one else cares about what I was doing 10 years ago (i.e. the college days), so why the fuck should I? It's time to update the old image...time to carve out a new path for myself, not the bullshit rut I made all that time ago. I won't even bore myself with the details of how I ventured upon that.
I'm gonna try hard to keep this journal updated. I do this mostly for myself, but to anyone else reading this drivel, I'll be sure to keep you entertained.
I used to keep an actual paper&pencil journal, but it got to the point where I was too lazy to write by hand. I too have become a slave to convenience, though I felt I was one of the last of the holdouts. Hell, I just got a cell phone about a year ago. Ah well, my attention span is crap these days anyway...I think I may have the adult version of ADD.
Bah, I had a point, but I forgot it a few sentences back. Guess that's a sign I should do something else. Not much I can do at this time of morning, so I'll blast some Noise Unit directly into my eardrums and wait for the sun to come up. =/
For those of you who aren't me...*boggle*...Be sure to see my last entry, as it will whet your appetite for things to come. I hate to think of myself as some pompous ass who goes around quoting poets and philosophers, but the fact is, I read a lot of that stuff, so a lot of what I write will reference it.
Later dudes.