I mentioned before that I want to start being more positive about how men treat women but I wasn't exactly sure how to do that up till now. It hit me recently when I was costume shopping and I saw something labeled "Gentleman." Whallah! That's what I'm going to do, put the gentle back in gentleman (if it was ever there to begin with).
When I was younger I always prided myself on being a gentleman and even today I still hold myself to those same standards but I've often wondered what being a gentleman really means. I'm not sure about the history of the term but I do know that by the turn of the 20th century it was little more than a title men bestowed upon themselves after achieving some imaginary rank of social status usually equivalent to the dollar sign attached to all they shit they owned. By the end of the depression the term was largely forgotten and even today only sort of floats around with an ambiguous at best definition. Well I would like to change all that.
Up till now I have largely focused on how men abuse men for two reasons. 1: That's the perspective I can bring to feminist issues. I personally believe that a large source of the abuse women get is from men who are perfectly okay being treated that way by their peers. When women object men take it personally because harm was not actually intended. They get defensive because they were honestly trying to be playful and make friends and they don't understand why women don't accept their behavior as such. They are so convinced that they are acting correctly they refuse to admit to themselves that they are hurting women's feelings. This is because men aren't allowed to have hurt feelings so if they treat another man that way then he plays it off as acceptable whether it is to him or not. What starts off as a genuine misunderstanding turns into a culture war when men decide that they are right and women are "just being bitches." 2: I honestly believe that men will never learn how to treat women fairly until they learn how to treat each other fairly. I mean seriously, we're so used to abusing each other we actually think it's okay. How the fuck are we going to learn that what we're doing is hurting you if we keep denying that what we do is hurting us?
Enter the gentleman.
Being a gentleman means treating EVERYONE with the respect they deserve as a human being. Men, women, gays, transgender all races, religions, creeds and eventually species (evolution is a persistent bitch). This is especially true of people we have never met. Off color jokes, bad language and name calling are all off limits until you have established with the other person that they are okay with that kind of behavior. Saying you're sorry is NOT a sign of weakness or admitting to wrong doing. It simply means that you are sensitive to the other person's feelings and you are willing to correct any unintended offense. Being a gentleman also means giving the other person a chance to correct any unintended offense towards you. Don't throw insults at someone who has offended you, inform them calmly that you aren't okay with that kind of behavior. If they apologize then accept their apology and move on, if they don't then separate yourself from the conversation. This isn't a game, there's no scorecard and no winners. They'll either figure it out or they won't but either way it isn't your problem.
I put the call out to all of you men to rise up and be gentlemen. There is way too much hate in this world and it is up to all of us to spread the love.