I finally get to talk to the orthopedic specialist about my knee. I won't lie to you all I'm pretty nervous, I've watched sports for a long time and I've seen players go out with knee injuries for a long time and some of them never come back. So basically I wanted to give you a rundown of what's going through my brain right now.
What I'm Afraid will Happen: The doctor will take one look at my knee, tell me it's "ruined" and there's nothing he can do. I go on disability for the rest of my life and have to leave Tesla Motors.
What I'm Hoping will Happen: He'll take a look at my knee, tell me it's not that bad, give me a list of exercises I can do at home and I'm back to work, good as new in a couple of weeks.
What I Think will Happen: He'll tell me my knee is in pretty bad shape but that he can get me back on my feet with a few restrictions but nothing career ending. We discuss my options which may or may not include surgery and I spend probably at least another month to two months out of work until I'm well enough to go back to my old position or a new one that can accommodate me for the same rate of pay.
In case you haven't guessed my mind is in utter chaos going back and forth between all of these scenarios. It really depends on how bad my knee feels at the moment which one jumps to the forefront. Some days I feel like: "I got this, I'll back at work in no time!" and other days (like today) I feel like: "I'm so fucked! I'll never walk again." My wife has been a huge help as far as keeping me grounded but the closer we get to this doctor appointment the harder it is for me to stay focused and calm. The only thing I really know right now is that there is a concern that my knee will simply pop out of socket again. How much of a concern is really dependent on who you talk to and everyone says the same thing. "Wait and see what the ortho says." *sigh* I'll know something in a couple of hours, good or bad. Hopefully I can keep it together till then.
