In case it's not already self explanitory enough the Black Widow concept is a fear men have that the woman they have opened their heart is just waiting to stab him in it. It really stems from this idea that men can never show weakness to anyone or they are in danger of being beaten down. It only gets worse when you add on top of that the idea that women can't be better than men at ANYTHING considered even slightly manly. If a woman can beat you at a game, a sport, a trivia contest then you are automatically considered weak. As a result your manhood can be called into question on the spot and suddenly you are at risk of yet another beat down. Showing weakness of any kind, even if it's just percieved is almost hanging a sign over you head saying "Beat Me up Now. You have my permission." Men are always just looking for an excuse to fight, it ridiculous. It creates a culture of fear among us that pervades every aspect of how we view and interact with others. When are walking around in constant fear of other men AND taught to look down upon women at the same time how can we possibly enter into any kind of intimate relationship?
When I was in the Navy one of my shipmates offered me a piece of advice about women. Keep in mind, he told me this with the kind of bravado one uses when you feel you giving someone the most profound wisdom they will ever hear. he told me: "Never date a woman who can kick your ass." When I asked him why he looked at me like I was an idiot and said: "Because she will." When my wife and I started dating my father pulled me aside and said: "I know you think you love her but do not let her move in with you. Otherwise she'll just want to get pregnant and take all your money." Although I've experienced many more examples these two pretty much sum up the most common type of Black Widows that men fear.
This kind of abuse is death to men. We tear ourselves apart from the inside. We have feelings, thoughts, emotions that conflict with each other and we can't resolve it. On the one hand we are taught to always be strong, always be the one in charge and we are taught that strength comes from your ability to use your fists or take a punch. On the other hand, when we are with that woman we want to love we want to give them the world, open our hearts to them and allow ourselves to be vulnerable to them. We can't because we are taught not to. Its too dangerous say the other men in our lives.
The struggle isn't just internal its external as well. The other men in our lives who we relied upon for support and friendship suddenly turn on your lady love and try to convince you that she's bad for you. "Just fuck her and move on man." "Dude she's going to cheat on you, we all know this." "Listen to me, she just wants to marry you so you can support her all her life. She doesn't love you." When we attempt to stand up for the women in our lives the abuse takes a very dangerous turn. "Oh look at the little bitch!" "We know who wears the pants in your house!" "Quit being such a pussy! Control your bitch!" Naturally our significant others want to support us and get us away from that toxic relationship but it only adds fuel to the fire. In the end what very often happens is the man rejects the love of his life and becomes very angry and bitter sometimes spending the rest of his life blaming women for his relationship woes.
The Black Widow concept may or may not be the most dangerous aspect of masculine culture but it is the number one cause of the relationship problems I've had. I can't be the only male to feel this way and I hope that all of the men who read this become aware of just how bad this idea is. Its based on fear and any ideology that is based on that leads to anger, hate and all too often violence and death.
