Divorce
Major changes are happening in my life. I don't think I was ready for my "peanut" to leave. Everything that I have worked so hard for, the house, all of my cars, my career, my friends... they are all still here. But I worked this hard for her. I wanted a life that she could be proud to live. I gave her everything... and nothing.
She's with a good guy. I like him and have known him for about a year. We used to go out to eat together, him and his wife, and her and I. I can sit here and theorize where I went wrong and it would take me until midnight to write this blog. Or, I can contemplate what I need to do in the future to not let it happen again.
Unfortunate for me, human nature takes over almost anytime I think about it and I start trying to pinpoint the moment that things went wrong. I start thinking that maybe I'm not such the good guy that my friends keep trying to tell me that I am. I mean, what do they know? They don't really know me, do they? I'd like to think that I'm a nice guy and that I'm the victim here. But I know that I'm not. I was 50% of the solution and half of the problem. I have to take responsibilty, that's what a nice guy would do. Being a "nice guy" is subjective. To some, I could have been a monster. Sometimes, I've even thought it.
Regardless, I wasn't ready for this. I know... I sound like an 8 year old when I say that... but seriously, it came out of left field and I really didn't see it coming, not yet anyways. It was inevitable, I realize. People who knew us and knew us well, knew that this day would eventually come... but I wasn't ready. Even though the peanut sometimes soured my stomach, it was the peanut that I worked hard for and built the rest of my M&M's around. I miss my peanut.
Major changes are happening in my life. I don't think I was ready for my "peanut" to leave. Everything that I have worked so hard for, the house, all of my cars, my career, my friends... they are all still here. But I worked this hard for her. I wanted a life that she could be proud to live. I gave her everything... and nothing.
She's with a good guy. I like him and have known him for about a year. We used to go out to eat together, him and his wife, and her and I. I can sit here and theorize where I went wrong and it would take me until midnight to write this blog. Or, I can contemplate what I need to do in the future to not let it happen again.
Unfortunate for me, human nature takes over almost anytime I think about it and I start trying to pinpoint the moment that things went wrong. I start thinking that maybe I'm not such the good guy that my friends keep trying to tell me that I am. I mean, what do they know? They don't really know me, do they? I'd like to think that I'm a nice guy and that I'm the victim here. But I know that I'm not. I was 50% of the solution and half of the problem. I have to take responsibilty, that's what a nice guy would do. Being a "nice guy" is subjective. To some, I could have been a monster. Sometimes, I've even thought it.
Regardless, I wasn't ready for this. I know... I sound like an 8 year old when I say that... but seriously, it came out of left field and I really didn't see it coming, not yet anyways. It was inevitable, I realize. People who knew us and knew us well, knew that this day would eventually come... but I wasn't ready. Even though the peanut sometimes soured my stomach, it was the peanut that I worked hard for and built the rest of my M&M's around. I miss my peanut.
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Then we'll get memberships together. He knows I wanna go and swim laps at the aquatic center. Better than running for me. I can swim laps forever. The aquatic center here is pretty new, so I'm assuming its probably pretty nice.