brokenalice

All of you nice people have the pleasure of knowing the luckiest chick in the world...

I turned in my sorry excuse for a term paper today. I was really wanting to ask her before I should even bother turning it in, insulting her intelligence so blatantly. I happened to tie someone for the highest exam grade average which earned us a couple percentage points. I thought to myself, 'oh great, a 62 instead of a 60.' (Mind you this term paper is %30 of our grade.) And this was right after the prof went on about how she was the top student when she left her first world religion class...

I went up to her little podium, mentally preparing how I'm going to tell her my paper's a piece of shit. She then congratulates me on my most recent achievement. She says to me, 'ya know, you're right where I used to be.' I said, 'yeah well not overall,' she's just like, 'yeah, you will be though,' in her brooklyn accent. I told her she wasn't going to be happy with my paper. Attempting to console me she says, 'eh i'm sure it's fine.' 'It's incomplete,' I said. 'Incomplete?' she said in this concerned voice. She gives me the slight gesture to come have a little talk with her outside; her outdoor office she likes to call it (gotta love smokers' jokes.) Calmly and deliberately she says, 'go get your paper from my bag and email it to me by Monday.' I've turned in late papers before, but this is a hard-assed prof... I musta really done somethin' to get on her good side. But it's strange cause ever since the first day of class, I noticed that when she lectures, she's almost always looking in my eyes from across the room. It's like she knows I'm getting something more from her talking than the rest of the people in there. This morning my brain shut down and I just couldn't write anymore to save my life... actually, you know what... it was 9 o'clock in the morning, I hadn't been to sleep yet (I still haven't) and I just had this intuition like it was gonna be alright... just stop torturing yourself. Before that moment all I could think was 'fuck it. I'm not in school to have a high GPA to show off to people. I may be the only one, but I'm there just to absorb.' Egos have no place with intellect. I knew this guy who would hold knowledge over my head like a bucketfull of insecurity... that's not appealing. Maybe in this case it's not so much an ego as self-worth... rationalizing procrastination with instant gratification. I'm too impatient for it anyway...

Something that occurred to me just now is that after she called out this kid and my's last names she told us to raise our hand to show the class that the people who you would never expect to be where they are, are. 'Yeah the freak girl beat all the straight-laced preppies,' I mocked to myself.

So my ass got saved... I kinda screwed myself in a way 'cause now this paper has to be bright shiny gold. I did get a much coveted 95 on my last essay... but damn 10 pages to a book editor. She tears papers apart and glues em back with red marker. I never feel like my words are ever good enough on their own.

Man, I'm lucky for a lot of reasons come to think of it...

Damn is it good to be a Sag and have Jupiter on my side...