One after another the cards fall in your favor and you wonder when too much positivity in your life will weaken the structure held up by all the walls you manufactured around yourself. years of disappointment can strengthen these walls to be impenetrable to the most soothing of voices but eventually certain words in accordance with inviting gestures loosens the molecules in the wall and it disintegrates in a careful mass escaping its learned form. with enough room to finally stretch my arms I emerge -- relaxed, confident, like I've performed this role before yet not once correctly in my life. a friend tells me that i've been acting rather uncharacteristic lately in relation to my jovial state. i take that no other way than as a compliment because i, like my walls, are trying to break the mold of my wall-eyed perceptions. don't want to be that pissed off girl that everyone labels me as when i'm really social just more passive than most people.

10 o'clock hurry up... i'm going through withdrawal.