so i tried to take a shooot with a photographer in the morning and he wouldnt move change angles and when is aw the pics later there what id call warm up photos not into the grove yet. serously didnt use any leading lines! he made me look like shit! didnt give me the time of day and really pissed me off. his photography sucked . you know what. i think i fucking give up!! i have like 80 pounds of sagging skin and i look like an old lady! im serously grotesque and nothing what i youto looklike. im pathetic. and i cant believe how week i am now. i shake and cant exercise without herting myself!!! then im in bed for like a fucking week!! i hate me and if you guys hear i killed myself dont be supprised. everyday i wish i died when i should have...i hate being in PAIN!! i hate listening to petty shit maddison bitches about!! she make me wanna die all the more her petty bitching and my silence. but i actulayyy have something to bitch about. goddamn no wonder SG wont even post my stuff...i suck at life. im depressing and probly annoying huh? well its doesnt matter anyhow i give up. im no model i look like shit...im deleteing everything. i HATE OTHER PHOTOGRAPHERS THERE SOOOO FUCKING DUMB!!!
VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
I could have killed myself a million times when I was severely depressed and since I didn't do it, I discovered that depression passes and I now also know how to move it along pretty fast.
There are millions of shit photographers but only one of you, so removing yourself is the worst possible choice. When I finish my course I should have time to check out Dr. Steel and I've been looking forward to discussing him with you when I do. You had better be here.
I look forward to hearing from you, dear. This crisis will pass.
Secondly-dont feel like you want to die for aesthetic reason!!! ID what illness or whatever you have but i know a thing or two about wanting to die. Like 2 months ago i was committed for an alleged suicide attemp (i ODed on albuterol, in hopes that itd make me pass out because i couldnt stop thinking about negative, painful things). Before i was committed i was in bed for 3 weeks straight, not once leaving the house-i'd jsut cry all day and wait for him to text me. Pathetic. Im on Prozac and Trazadone now and honestly it hasnt helped one bit. And the sad truth is most of it was over a boy, who caused me to feel worse about myself than i EVER have-its still happening and is honestly getting worse every single day. I cant stop thinking about him-every little thing leads back to him and i feel like shit all the time and it sucks.
The one good thing that came from it though is that im trying to improve my self body image-i want to do SG. The diff is im waiting untill im comfortable with my body (in my case, having it in better shape). Excercising totally makes me feel 100% better-but i digresce.
i guess im just trying to say that i kinda know how you feel, and it really sucks so no, you arent annoying and honestly i cant blame you for complaining.
Everyiobne says im beAUtiful etc such and such but when i see pics of myself, i see a monster. So idk how well it'll go when i actually begin to do shoots, but im not giving up. Its truth-noone loves me because i dont love myself yet
Thirdly-DONT KILL YOURSELF. KNow why??/ BEcause i dont even know you but im genuinely concerned and i want to get to know you-forrealzies. You seem like sucha cool girl-you are so sexy and adorable and i wanna take pics with you and of you! (i mean that in the most NOT creepy way lol).
I admit i really need someone to be there to pick me up when i hit rock bottom (and that happens alot) and i know u feel the same way and i damn sure want to be tehre for you. Seriously. I want you to hit me up as soon as you read this and tell me how ur feeling
-Shani