So maybe this might be a thing that you want to skip over because I'm a little serious right now.
Anyway, sometimes I get to thinking about my accident and how I've been so lucky considering everything, and in a way I feel like my life is starting over again.
But I would be lying is I'm not a bit obsessed over events that have happened from October 2007 up until this point.
I was talking with my friend about it and nothing seems to make sense, and I know life doesn't have to make sense but... it should.
I came to get my PhD because of jobs that I want to have and things I want to do. I selected my field because I was a weird little kids without a lot of adult support and I wanted to be an adult to support weird little kids. Tell them it's okay and everything will be okay and don't let anyone try to tell them they aren't worthy or smart or special just because they are different.
And I always thought that was a pretty worthy goal. It was something I could be good at and do good at the same time. And then everything just fell apart at school and through my program and once again I was that weird kid without any support, only this time I am an adult and it seems like there was nothing I can do to fix anything and get my life back on track.
Then my mom got cancer and I got in this car crash, and we both survived.
An event happened over winter break though - my cousin's friend died in a car crash on my cousin's birthday. He was 18 and he died.
I don't understand why things like this happen. They aren't fair. They aren't right. Why do I get to survive? I'm not 18 with my life in front of me. I'm unemployed and sit at home everyday. I don't influence anybody. I'm not doing anything important. Why did I survive? What am I supposed to do? Who am I supposed to help?
I don't get it. If I'm not in school going after my goals and I'm not in a job who I can help. I don't understand the point of my life. I don't understand why perfectly good and innocent people have to die who had potential and I have to live without meaning or understanding.
I suppose I'm a little frustrated in pondering this. I wish I had some direction.
About the only good thing right now is my friend got me back into playwrighting and I'm currently happy with this little diversion.
RIght now I'm just hoping and praying that the schools I applied to in Canada will accept me and I can really start my life over again. I know that if I don't get it, I'll still be okay, I'll just have to find something else to do. But I would love to be able to have something I plan to work out.
Alright I'm done being somber - next blog I'll be much more perky and cheerful like my usual self.
Anyway, sometimes I get to thinking about my accident and how I've been so lucky considering everything, and in a way I feel like my life is starting over again.
But I would be lying is I'm not a bit obsessed over events that have happened from October 2007 up until this point.
I was talking with my friend about it and nothing seems to make sense, and I know life doesn't have to make sense but... it should.
I came to get my PhD because of jobs that I want to have and things I want to do. I selected my field because I was a weird little kids without a lot of adult support and I wanted to be an adult to support weird little kids. Tell them it's okay and everything will be okay and don't let anyone try to tell them they aren't worthy or smart or special just because they are different.
And I always thought that was a pretty worthy goal. It was something I could be good at and do good at the same time. And then everything just fell apart at school and through my program and once again I was that weird kid without any support, only this time I am an adult and it seems like there was nothing I can do to fix anything and get my life back on track.
Then my mom got cancer and I got in this car crash, and we both survived.
An event happened over winter break though - my cousin's friend died in a car crash on my cousin's birthday. He was 18 and he died.
I don't understand why things like this happen. They aren't fair. They aren't right. Why do I get to survive? I'm not 18 with my life in front of me. I'm unemployed and sit at home everyday. I don't influence anybody. I'm not doing anything important. Why did I survive? What am I supposed to do? Who am I supposed to help?
I don't get it. If I'm not in school going after my goals and I'm not in a job who I can help. I don't understand the point of my life. I don't understand why perfectly good and innocent people have to die who had potential and I have to live without meaning or understanding.
I suppose I'm a little frustrated in pondering this. I wish I had some direction.
About the only good thing right now is my friend got me back into playwrighting and I'm currently happy with this little diversion.
RIght now I'm just hoping and praying that the schools I applied to in Canada will accept me and I can really start my life over again. I know that if I don't get it, I'll still be okay, I'll just have to find something else to do. But I would love to be able to have something I plan to work out.
Alright I'm done being somber - next blog I'll be much more perky and cheerful like my usual self.
you can do it!!!