Overdue/BHB in SF

68

Hello loves!

It has been a while hasn't it? I had/have been dealing with a lot the past years from fires near my home, moving apartments, civ work jobs, family matters, and visiting my best friend across the world that I only get to see once every two-three years. I also had been dealing with body dysmorphia on top of dealing with my chronic pain and skin condition that has gotten on/off worse making me the past two years hidden within my shell. I did not want to talk about, hid away and not intentionally distanced myself from others from here and outside life, because I was going through and figuring out who I am. I grew up in a not a great place despite being able to travel so much as a child but I have always had to internally deal with the pain of my childhood and with my mother being diagnosed with Breast Cancer it just pushed all the pain forward and I broke down mental for once rather than my usual physical. I have great, supportive friends who are my family as you all are too and I have been hesitant of saying this, as I worry being my trueself will hinder my chances of ever becoming an official SG one day, but I want to share with you all this:

I am nonbinary, I always have been I just never knew the name of how I felt my gender was. I always been called a tomboy, I got called girl and boy throughout all my childhood as I had a shaved/short hair until I was in highschool, wore boys zip off shorts and baggy baseball zipups at school to bikinis and cute dresses from childhood to being an older teenager. When I got older and hit puberty (and getting out of my abusive stepparent/abusers house) I was like woah! And began exploring my feminine side, as thought okay I am a woman and this is how I should identify because I bleed and have breasts now. However, I have always felt incomplete and this loomed within me the past 15 years until two years ago I meet someone through my art community that told me about the gender term non-binary. Explaining they were not a man nor a woman, but someone more and flows in between and I resonated with that so so sooo incredibly much. I read more about enby individuals, met other enby individuals both online and in real life, and I felt a weight lifted that I existed for once. After dealing within and gathering the courage to speak up, I came out to my partner, who since the beginning of our relationship I told him to not call me girlfriend when talking of me/introducing me to others because I have never resonated with that term and it makes me feel weird/not real, even in my prior relationships this was true too. It was at first hard for him at first and he would correct himself after the first years of being together, but after coming out to him, he finally understood more so than ever of why I express myself they way I express myself, why I talk the way I talk in gender neutral terms for years, why I am open to loving others and respecting others how they are no matter how the world preserves them including myself and he was/is happy for me, why I ask people who they want to be named/announced to and we have never been better because he sees how comfortable I am in my skin, like actually happy, and he celebrates that for me. So I tell you all this because this happen been a weight I have been wanting to tell you all to lift off and holding inside thus why I have not been on here for a while, however I still love SG, I still love all of you, and I still will always be a part of this community and still will work as hard to become an SG so other babes out there know that SG welcomes all womxn (I use an X to identify myself and other babes who are trans and genderfluid) to represent their brand and this community because we all are beautiful, lovely, amazing, and stunning in our own ways. I use pronouns they/them/she, I am still me, I am just even more me being me as I am working to be my truest self, and want to share this with all of you, my SG family. I still have hard days, I still think am I enough, I still get dysmorphic of my body being in sync with my mind and spirit, but I am trying my best and I wish the same for you always. If yourself or anyone else is going through something, I am here for you.

I want to create more, as long as my body allows it as again I still live with chronic pain daily! :p But I feel more alive and more free, and hoping with it it will help in creating again so hopefully this allows more stuff for you all to enjoy. I have been camming again so you can hangout with me on MFC under model name Bristole_ and my daily nsfw Snap/behind the scenes/off cam/life on Onlyfans.com/bristole as well as a new set here coming out under two months from now by Marysa and I titled "A Good Read".

By the way, if you have not congratulated her yet please give a big love and support to @marysa for becoming Staff Photographer! It was only time coming and she did it so cheers to her, I am so happy that one of her dreams came true <3 Please follow her if you have not already to support her work and more of her sets with many amazing models to Front Page!

Thank you for being by my side all these years, and I am sorry if my absence effected anyone as I know it did for some, which was not intentional nor ever will be.

Other news! I went to the SG Blackheart Burlesque in San Francisco this year held at the Great American Music Hall and my goodness, it was amazing as ever! I went with my platonic partner in crime, @merryboudoir / @marysa. We meet up with @ghostleeb , @cooky @kkonx_ _, @graysin , @cigno and other friends! We all were able to sit near each other closely to enjoy the show and the babes on tour this year killllled ittt. @liryc did an amazing job at choreographing, she is so fucking talented and I always love her Black Panther solo performance. @cleodora is an absolute dream in person, so amazingly talented-I got way to shy around her when we were taking photos and complimented me and my heart died in joy for a moment. @keya is a goddess and her solo performance was amazing. @saria is adorable and an treat on stage whilst performing. @ellisdee was a wonderful host as well as @jennings killing it with being the opening act to warm up the crowd. @linley is truly an angel, Marysa told me so much about her and it was so wonderful to meet her in person finally. She also makes an amazing Kitana for her solo and is a fantastic performer! Lastly, it was lovely to see the wonderful @sunshine , she deserves the extra love for all her hard work of being tour manager. I am so glad that I got to see my old friends and make new ones, hopefully we all can get together again and hangout in between as these babes are all such amazing stars that shine individually as well as brightly together.

Here are some photos to enjoy from the show!

Thank you @missy @sean @rambo for another year of SG and thank you all for being here. Looking forward to making magic for you again <3

VIEW 18 of 18 COMMENTS
saintnick2:
You have a beautiful smile.
purplezebra:
As someone who is also Non-binary and suffers with chronic pain, I just wanted to say hi :-) I struggeled for a very long time with figuring out my gender (and still a do somtimes) but finding out there were other people like me really helped. I hope you are doing well.

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