If I could go back to the past and change one thing, for me, it would be to tell my ex that I didn't hate him while I had the chance.
Way back in high school, I had a boyfriend that I left for cheating. After a few months, I had moved on and thought that everything was great. I laughed it off when his mom called, begging me to give him another chance. And when I saw him in my neighborhood, I put my nose in the air and walked past. That's what most girls who had been cheated would do.
But when I heard that he had died of an overdose, I didn't believe it. Not until I got back to our neighborhood and saw his entire family coming toward my car like the black parade. I didn't know how to feel or what to say. I didn't even know he was into the drug that killed him. I went through so many emotions. I was sad he was gone. I was conflicted over my right to be upset. I was mad and yet, I didn't cry in front of others, which is new for me.
If I could go back and change one thing in my past, I would go back and say hello to him the day I saw him outside. I would tell him that I forgave him and that I hoped his life turned into something great. Maybe if I had just said that, he would be here today. Don't get me wrong, I don't blame myself, but sometimes I wonder if I could have made a difference for him.
When we dated, he kept a note I wrote him in his pocket everyday, so at his funeral I left him a note in his pocket one last time. I told him that I forgave him and that I was sorry I didn't say hello to him. I asked him, in the note, if he still hated me. The only answer I will ever get was from a friend of his who told me that he didn't hate me, he loved me. I'll never know if that is true, but we can't really go back.
Tell people how you feel while you can. You never know when your change will be gone.
Sorry for the seriously mushy blog post!
