Tales of the Too-Friendly UPS Guy
as an east coaster and former new yorker, i despise all efforts of strangers to be friendly. clearly, i am in the wrong city, as people smile and say hi on the street, chat on the muni, and otherwise look to engage me, a perfect stranger. this is completely unacceptable, and way outside my comfort zone. why THEY think its acceptable is beyond me.
my UPS guy daily tests my limits. "hey buddy!" is his greeting to me (i should say that most days UPS has reason to visit me), and i am usually forced to listen to some lame joke or story that is really far too personal. give me some small talk about the weather - fine, or something along those lines. here is a sample of the sort of things i need to listen to:
"i was here yesterday and you weren't here."
me- "yeah, i missed you, i was at the corner store. i'm usually here though."
"well, you weren't here yesterday, thats for sure."
(wtf?)
---
"how's it going, buddy?"
me - "fine, you?"
"yeah, work is finally getting better. resolved that conflict with the boss, you know."
me - "uh, yeah?" (no idea what he's on about)
"yeah, its sort of funny how much shit you can get into when you play by the rules. you know what i mean, right?"
(jesus christ!)
---
"hey buddy. so, what do you do for work that lets you be at home all day?"
me - "i write books." (keeping it simple in an attempt to avoid a conversation)
"hey, when are you going to write a book about me?"
i laugh in that way you do when someone says someting you think isnt serious.
he stands there looking at me for many seconds.
uh.....
me, finally - "i don't know...."
(COMPLETELY UNACCEPTABLE)
---
"hey, so what'd you order?" holding up a box from Amazon.
(only reasonable response to this is to beat him senseless with his little computer thingie)
as an east coaster and former new yorker, i despise all efforts of strangers to be friendly. clearly, i am in the wrong city, as people smile and say hi on the street, chat on the muni, and otherwise look to engage me, a perfect stranger. this is completely unacceptable, and way outside my comfort zone. why THEY think its acceptable is beyond me.
my UPS guy daily tests my limits. "hey buddy!" is his greeting to me (i should say that most days UPS has reason to visit me), and i am usually forced to listen to some lame joke or story that is really far too personal. give me some small talk about the weather - fine, or something along those lines. here is a sample of the sort of things i need to listen to:
"i was here yesterday and you weren't here."
me- "yeah, i missed you, i was at the corner store. i'm usually here though."
"well, you weren't here yesterday, thats for sure."
(wtf?)
---
"how's it going, buddy?"
me - "fine, you?"
"yeah, work is finally getting better. resolved that conflict with the boss, you know."
me - "uh, yeah?" (no idea what he's on about)
"yeah, its sort of funny how much shit you can get into when you play by the rules. you know what i mean, right?"
(jesus christ!)
---
"hey buddy. so, what do you do for work that lets you be at home all day?"
me - "i write books." (keeping it simple in an attempt to avoid a conversation)
"hey, when are you going to write a book about me?"
i laugh in that way you do when someone says someting you think isnt serious.
he stands there looking at me for many seconds.
uh.....
me, finally - "i don't know...."
(COMPLETELY UNACCEPTABLE)
---
"hey, so what'd you order?" holding up a box from Amazon.
(only reasonable response to this is to beat him senseless with his little computer thingie)