(The first two paragraphs are best read with a southern accent.)
Howdy!!!
You like murder? Blood? Sex? Violence? Space monkeys? Whiskey? Exorcisms? Voodoo? El Caminos? Cigar smoking drag queens? Comic books? Born again robots? Karaoke? Watermelon? Disco devils and rock-n-roll angels?
If the answer is yes, then you must be kicking yourself in the nickels with ecstasy, because so far this summer has been jam packed with all the wonderfully whorish things that makes us moist. Well, almost everything! See theres one thing no one has gotten this summer. Yeah, thats right... Crabs! Nice big, meaty crabs, that bite and foam at the mouth when you look at them, and leave your hands stinking like a room full of whores when youre done picking, scraping and licking them off your fingers. Ahhh, nothing like getting crabs on a blistering hot summer day.
So what are we going to do about our unending itch for crabs! You guessed it, true believers! Break out the slip-n-slide and the horseshoes! Take off your shirt and do a cartwheel through the sprinkler. Once again its time for a gathering of the worlds finest league of extraordinary super pals at the Fourth Annual Crab Party. Hoooohaaa!!!
When: July 30th is the big date!
Why: because its hot in July, I have a brand new slip-n-slide and this is the only way I seem to be able to make friends.
Where: Stately Brianjames Manor (if you dont know how to get there, then youre just breathing heavy and youre not going to come anyway).
Who will be there: monkey boys, devil girls, porn stars, martians, Stephanie, bigfoot, Olsen twins, a bunch super heroes including Captain Fatman and Polar Bob, Mr. T, the alligator boy, a cut out of Princess Leia, the nice werewolf couple from down the street, two drag queens and a talking dog.
What time: I dont really care. 4:00 is as good of a time as any, I guess. So the party starts at 4:00; you can come whenever you want, but I can guarantee you wont come before me... I live there and Im selfish that way. Actually, if you come over early expect to catch me in all my Virgo-ness stressing out over things that are not perfect. The party is over when someone gets poked in the ass... I mean eye... well, at least for that person. The rest of us can party until I tell you to get out. The poking in the ass, thats just when the party is getting good!
What can you bring... beer, KY, any kind of liquor or licker, ice, AA batteries, booze, porn, whiskey, sex toys, hootch and your finest super hero shirt. Thats right! You got one, I know you do, so wear it! Pants are optional but the super hero shirt is a must. And you might want to bring a change of clothes because there may be some getting wet. Bring your friends, bring your anemones; I dont care, I'm going to be so drunk I won't know who anyone is anyway. I'll probably need an EMT to drive me home... oh, wait I did that already.
I'm off saving the world for the next week!
Later gators!
Your pal,
Brianjames!
Howdy!!!
You like murder? Blood? Sex? Violence? Space monkeys? Whiskey? Exorcisms? Voodoo? El Caminos? Cigar smoking drag queens? Comic books? Born again robots? Karaoke? Watermelon? Disco devils and rock-n-roll angels?
If the answer is yes, then you must be kicking yourself in the nickels with ecstasy, because so far this summer has been jam packed with all the wonderfully whorish things that makes us moist. Well, almost everything! See theres one thing no one has gotten this summer. Yeah, thats right... Crabs! Nice big, meaty crabs, that bite and foam at the mouth when you look at them, and leave your hands stinking like a room full of whores when youre done picking, scraping and licking them off your fingers. Ahhh, nothing like getting crabs on a blistering hot summer day.
So what are we going to do about our unending itch for crabs! You guessed it, true believers! Break out the slip-n-slide and the horseshoes! Take off your shirt and do a cartwheel through the sprinkler. Once again its time for a gathering of the worlds finest league of extraordinary super pals at the Fourth Annual Crab Party. Hoooohaaa!!!
When: July 30th is the big date!
Why: because its hot in July, I have a brand new slip-n-slide and this is the only way I seem to be able to make friends.
Where: Stately Brianjames Manor (if you dont know how to get there, then youre just breathing heavy and youre not going to come anyway).
Who will be there: monkey boys, devil girls, porn stars, martians, Stephanie, bigfoot, Olsen twins, a bunch super heroes including Captain Fatman and Polar Bob, Mr. T, the alligator boy, a cut out of Princess Leia, the nice werewolf couple from down the street, two drag queens and a talking dog.
What time: I dont really care. 4:00 is as good of a time as any, I guess. So the party starts at 4:00; you can come whenever you want, but I can guarantee you wont come before me... I live there and Im selfish that way. Actually, if you come over early expect to catch me in all my Virgo-ness stressing out over things that are not perfect. The party is over when someone gets poked in the ass... I mean eye... well, at least for that person. The rest of us can party until I tell you to get out. The poking in the ass, thats just when the party is getting good!
What can you bring... beer, KY, any kind of liquor or licker, ice, AA batteries, booze, porn, whiskey, sex toys, hootch and your finest super hero shirt. Thats right! You got one, I know you do, so wear it! Pants are optional but the super hero shirt is a must. And you might want to bring a change of clothes because there may be some getting wet. Bring your friends, bring your anemones; I dont care, I'm going to be so drunk I won't know who anyone is anyway. I'll probably need an EMT to drive me home... oh, wait I did that already.
I'm off saving the world for the next week!
Later gators!
Your pal,
Brianjames!
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
iggy:
Happy birthday!!!!! 
emily_m:
Happy birthday!