brian_h

So...the last 14 months of my life have been full of changes and challenges and I find myself at crossroads of sorts. I've been thinking a lot about the future which has made me look at the past quite a bit. I was told a few months back to go back to doing what it is that I love. So, I've been back to making music, reading, working out, and just really enjoying the company of my loved ones as much as possible. I think I've finally decided what it is I want to do.

I mentioned in a previous blog about music being my life. I'm a total fucking geek to the Nth degree when it comes to music. Recently, I started playing again. I've been in contact with my old band director from high school, who was my mentor, sharing stoies and memories. Being a part of the Band Geeks For Life group here has brought a lot back for me. My daughter is at the age where she's going to choose an instrument in school, so we've been watching a lot of old tapes and talking a lot about what she wants to do. The final straw was this past week, going back with my girlfriend and watching myself in my high school musicals (I was the male lead both my junior and senior years). I guess I never realized just how much I miss it all or how good I actually was.

After talking it over at length with my mom, my girlfriend, and my ex-teacher, I've decided my next step will be to go back to school for music. I want to teach. I've always wanted to. I want to give back what was given to me. To share my love, knowledge, and passion. For years, I've just kinda floated around doing whatever it was that came along but never really being happy or satisfied. Finally I have some direction. Finally, I know what it is that I want.

Music literally saved my life when I was younger. I let go of it for a few years. After 2 suicide attempts over the summer, it's back to save me again. I won't let go this time.

Wish me luck...